Dancing with the Stars, Week 5

It's Latin Week! I spent the whole episode looking forward to Jason's performance, and debating whether or not I would rather have him do a rhumba or a samba. Hmmm, maybe I've picked a favorite.

Mario is up first, and he and Karina will be performing a samba. Instead of devoting every spare second to practicing, he goes to hang out with "his good friend" Stevie Wonder. Stevie's not going to help you with your posture, is he, Mario? They're dancing to "A Tisket, A Tasket." For a samba? Really? Mario looks more comfortable than he has sincce week one, but I still don't think he's getting any better. He's just trying to get back to as good as he was that first week. His "hip action" is great and he moves with a lot of confidence in the samba, though.

When they're done, Tom reminds us about the band. Why does that one woman always wear a headdress and spandex? Is that the next new fashion thing that I'll have to ignore, a la stretch pants and giant sunglasses?

Anyway, the judges loved Mario's samba. Len tells him to watch his feet. Mario gets a 9,9,9 for a total of 27.

Priscilla is next, and she and Louis will be performing a rhumba. She has chosen to wear an odd, sparkly shawl that makes her look 20 pounds heavier than she is. I think this was her weakest performance. She does a very impressive split in the beginning--how many 60-year-old women do you know that can do that? But her hands are bad, and their final hold is really, really shaky. Len rips it apart. 7,7,7 for 21 total. Even with the low score, I wouldn't count her out yet. The old-lady vote can be pretty potent. (See: Osmond, Marie)

Marissa and Tony will be performing the samba. What is it with Tony's shirts this year? For weeks now, he's had the most bizarre fashion choices. Maybe he's trying to distract from the fact that his partner is not very good, even though I think this is their strongest performance yet. It still has the same problems as some of their earlier dances: it's too slow, and there are too many hip-hop moves. The judges give moderate praise, and give her three eights for a 24.

Cristian and Cheryl will be performing the rhumba. In practice, Cheryl criticizes Cristian for not being manly enough, and then sticks him in a pink satin shirt. Here's the thing about rhumba: it's a slow dance, so I can never tell how much movement around the floor is a good amount. Because it looks like Cristian is just standing there while Cheryl spins around him. Len calls it "very competent." The judges are tougher this week than they've been, probably because the scores were so high last week. Carrie Anne says they weren't "erotic" enough. Can you say that in the 8 o'clock hour? They get a 7,8,8 for a 23. And going back to his dance after watching Jason's, Cristian's was like being served broccoli when you were expecting chocolate. (Not good.)

Marlee and Fabian dance the samba, and for the first time, you can see how Marlee not being able to hear really affects their dance. She stumbles a bit and gets off the beat a couple times -- maybe because the samba is so rhythm-dependent. Her "hip action" isn't great, and their hold is a bit off. The judges all carefully critique her, by which I mean they all say she's so "inspirational," and then they tell her what she did wrong. She gets a 7,7,8 for a 22.

Kristi has had two kids! And she looks like that! Wow. She and Mark will be dancing the rhumba, which Kristi says she's a bit nervous about because it's such a sensual dance and she's married and a mommy. She calls Mark a "hot young thing." Sing it, sister. He can even make the lavender outfit he's wearing look good. I can't even take notes when I watch Kristi. It was amazing and beautiful. The judges agree, and she gets a 9,10,10 for a 29.

Shannon and Derek had to suffer through another health scare this week, when Derek comes down with food poisoning on Monday morning. He's well enough to dance their samba. Going into it, you kind of knew Shannon wasn't going to do well with the hip rolls and Latin beat of the samba, and while there are some nice moments, the dance as a whole is a definite step down from last week. Carrie Anne makes a great point, though: she really went for it. Shannon's scores are 8,8,7 for a 23.

Finally! Jason and Edyta are doing the rhumba, and it's going to be amazing. During the dance, my notes are just a bunch of exclamation points: his hips! his hands! he's so graceful! How can this guy be a football player?! Maybe Kristi doesn't have this thing so wrapped up, after all. I really think that if Jason keeps getting better, we'll have a real battle on our hands. He gets three nines for a 27.

Top Three: Kristi, Jason, Mario
Bottom Three: Marlee, Priscilla, Cristian
If I had to guess: Priscilla hangs on for another week, Cristian goes home.