American Idol: Your Top 6

Here we are, halfway home. A few things before we begin this week: one, the theme is "The songs of Andrew Lloyd Webber," and beyond Phantom, which I've seen twice, I couldn't name you another ALW song, except the famous one from "Cats." Two, they have seriously overloaded the stage with band members this week. The contestants have about three square feet to work with. Three, each contestant is only singing one song, which means they have plenty of time to fill and each should be allowed to sing more than just 90 seconds of the song.

Syesha is up first, and she sings "One Rock and Roll too Many" from a musical that is not Phantom. She handles the space issue by starting out the song on top of a piano. I think the beginning is lovely and seems to fit her voice, but as the song goes on, it really exposes again how weak her voice is, which was her problem in the early weeks. And then she starts yelling, and it is a lot off pitch. That went downhill fast. Randy thinks it was her best performance yet. Whaaaa? Randy, this was the perfect time to use "pitchy!" Even Simon was swayed. The yelling? And the pitchiness? The weak voice? Ehhhh, I'm not buying it. I think the over-praise is in reponse to the article this week pointing out what we already knew: singing first is the kiss of death in some rounds. They over-compensated for what was a mediocre performance.

I recognize this song! This is the famous Cats song, "Memory." Jason didn't know that a cat sang the song in the musical, despite its title. Give him a break...when this was taped he was probably gearing up for 4/20. Anyway, I think this has "disaster" written all over it. He is totally not cut out for this song, it is way too big for his voice. There are some really good parts and some really, really awful parts. Randy uses the word "trainwreck." This was such a poor song choice. Paula...is an idiot. I quote: "It was really wise of you to choose this choice. It really identifies your unique being as an artist." Simon goes the "child at a wedding" route, and the crowd doesn't even boo all that much. Meh.

Brooke is singing "You Must Love Me" from Evita. It looks like ALW gives her some solid advice for the performance. She's without a piano this week, and she stops and starts over one line into the song. There's a terrible 3 second pause -- that has never really happened on Idol before, before she starts up again. I'm torn with Brooke now. I think she's working herself into a mental panic before every performance, and it's showing, but when she can settle down and give a full performance, she's great. The crowd and judges are kind of stunned, even Paula has to grasp for words. Simon seems to realize what a fragile emotional state she's in, and keeps the criticism to "I think you'll be disappointed in yourself." If she's voted out tomorrow I would really hate for her sing-out to be to "You Must Love Me."

David A. is up next. "Think of Me!" I love this song. ALW doesn't know how a boy can sing this song meant for a diva. David has altered the arrangement of the song, and vows to work on keeping his eyes open during his performance. You know, I never thought about that. Maybe that's why most of the time I fawn over his voice, but the performance leaves me strangely cold. The change of arrangement is a little off-putting, but the singing is incredible as usual. His eyes were open most of the time, too. Randy proclaims him "the one to beat." Paula deems it "perfect." Simon says it was one of his weaker performances. Hmmm, I think this is Simon's reverse psychology at work here. Yes, I buy into the theory that Simon is a manipulative bastard, and this is his wake-up call to David's legions of teenybopper fans. You may have a different take on it, of course.

Ugh, they put David C. in the pimp spot. I swear, if he wins...

Anyway, Carly is next and she is singing "Jesus Christ Superstar." I want Carly to be better than she is. I mostly enjoyed her performance, but she veers dangerously into shouting territory on some of the bigger notes. I thought it showed a lot of her personality, and while she's still treading the line between having fun and utter desperation, I think this came down just on the good sign of the line. Judges? Liked it, with Simon proclaiming it one of his favorites of the night.

David C. is singing "Music of the Night" from Phantom, which sounds like a great choice for him. ALW isn't convinced, only saying "maybe it will work." David has a great voice, which is why I don't understand all of the nonsense he puts into his other performances. I mean, WOW, this is fantastic, if you just listen to it. Randy says it was a "molten hot lava bomb." Does the Pentagon make those? Simon wants him back in his RAWK box. Noooooo, that ruins him!! Don't listen to him, David! If I were a contestant, I would hate the advice from the judges. Make the song your own, but don't step outside the pre-made box we place you in. God.

Rankings:

David C.
David A.
Carly
Syesha
Brooke
Jason

I forget if they do bottom three tomorrow. If they do, I'm thinking Brooke, Jason, and Syesha. Brooke is going home, as much as I'd like Jason to go after that mess of a performance.

Dancing with the Stars, Week 7

Jason is doing the cha cha. In practice, Edyta decides Jason needs to be more comfortable dancing on his own, so she takes him to a freestyle dance class. He is easily a foot talle than everyone else in the class, but he does well, becuase he has a natural rhythm about him. I love their routine, as usual. His footwork is great, and his arms are good most of the time. He does much better on his than anyone else in this competition except Kristi, so it'll be interesting to see how everyone handles that. Len notes that she went a bit off-tempo, as does Bruno, Carrie Anne critiques the bit of awkwardness in his arms. He gets a bit lower than usual with a 8,8,8 for a 24.

Shannon and Derek are totally dating. And wow, they're not really trying to hide it either. Derek brings her flowers, they go to the beach and Derek dances with his shirt off and they roll around in the sand together. They're dancing the rhumba, hence the romantic set-up. I think Shannon does a great job with the dance. Her lines are getting a lot better, Derek is choreographing to her strengths, and they have genuine chemistry on the dance floor. I don't think it was her best, but she's improving so much each week that it almost doesn't matter. Bruno says that they were "sizzling," but tells her to work on to footsteps. Carrie Anne tells her to work harder, but praises her work ethic. I always feel so bad when Shannon gets a negative critique, because she takes it so hard.

Before their scores, Tom tells us that they will be celebrating their 100th show in 2 weeks, and it will included performances by Mel & Maks, Mario Lopez, and Apolo and Julianne!! Yay Apolo! Shannon's scores are 8s across the board, to tie them with Jason with a 24.

Marlee had a tough week last week. She and Fabian are learning the mambo, which is Fabian's favorite. Then the Fonz shows up to tell her how great her spirit is. She looks fantastic, but again, I think she missed a couple things, or stepped off of the beat at some point. Carrie Anne was a bit disappointed. Len tells her she is an insporation, and then tells her it was uncomfortable. Same with Bruno. They're disguising their critiques around praise for being deaf. She gets straight 7s for a 21.

Cristian and Cheryl are foxtrotting. They look fantastic in shades of pink, but the dance is not good. Cristian is concentrating too hard on the counting, and then when he stops doing that, he's missing steps. Cheryl does her best, but this is not one of their better ones.

Band! The lady is in orange spandex and a gold headdress this week. Len tells Cristian this was his best dance, and then threatens to "show his bum in the supermarket" if Cristian is in the bottom two this week. Bruno (and I) choose not to think about that, but unlike me, praises the dance. I really didn't think it was that good, especially the footwork, which both Bruno and Carrie Anne loved. Before the break, they show us a preview of the group country dance coming up tonight. It looks like absolute mayhem. I can't wait! After the break, Cristian gets three 9s for a 27. Boo. It was not better than Jason's dance.

Marissa is next, and she's doing the Viennese Waltz. They seem to have a great time together. During the dance (which I enjoyed very much), I finally realized why all of her dances looks so odd, which was probably very obvious to everyone else from, like, Week One. Her legs are so much shorter than his, so all of the strides he's taking are just too big for her, which I think accounts for the fact that a few times in this dance, it looks like she's running to keep up. They miss one hold, and their ending is very complicated and kind of wobbly, but overall I liked it. It also looked like the wardrobe department figured out how to dress Marissa, because she's wearing a dress that doesn't make her look like a tree stump. Aww, she and Tony are so excited. All three judges praise her, and she gets a 9,8,9 for a 26.

Kristi hung out with Tiger Woods this week. Yeah, I guess that's cool. She and Mark are doing a jive. They try to play up the fact that Kristi has club feet as a child to make it seem like she has a weakness. I don't buy it, ABC! She won Olympic gold on those feet, I think she can handle the disco ball trophy. They do an adorable jive and while Mark does more of the work than usual this week, they were fantastic. Carrie Anne gives them a standing O before they get to the critiques. She says it was her favorite dance this season so far. Len calls it a buffet and a "tasty smorgasboard of dance." Great word usage there. Bruno raves. I'm feeling a perfect score. And there it is. A 30. Mark lifts Kristi into the air, but stupid Samantha has to pull her down. They were just having fun!

Paula Abdul is there. I'm thinking she could be a potential contestant next year, if her other gig keeps losing viewers.

Mario thinks he can go head-to-head with Kristi. Not if she keeps dancing like that, you can't. He and Karina are doing the rhumba this week. They are dancing to, no joke, "Let's Get it On." I wonder how the other Mario (Lopez, and Karina's boyfriend) feels about this. Karina is wearing red underwear and what looks like half of a white sheet. Also, this is very uncomfortable, but let's just say that with his tight pants...you can clearly tell which way Mario dresses. And we'll leave it at that. The dance is almost unwatchably sexy. The crowd loves this one. Len, however, calls Karina a strumpet and Mario a gigolo. Oh, Len. Stop being old. Bruno puts us back on track by calling it "fabulous." Carrie says it was better than good sex. I could not make this shit up. Wow. They get a 9,9,10 (their first of the competition) for a 28.

But wait! We still have the rodeo-themed group dance yet to go! A personal theory of mine: most everyone looks hotter in a cowboy hat. The stars all prove it in this montage. Kristi is elected head of the sheriffs and Jason the head of the outlaws. He tells her that the town ain't big enough for the both of them. Kristi tries to stand up to him, but sadly for her, he just picks her up and throws her over his shoulder. Later on, he picks up Derek and fake-smashes him into the bar. This looks like so much fun. This dance is the funniest thing I've seen this week. For one, it is to "Cotton-Eyed Joe." Two, it's total chaos. Shannon flips Derek, Mark & Kristi do a lift I think I've seen in figure skating pairs competition, and they all do cartwheels. Jason rocks my socks, and he and Edyta do an incredible no-hands lift. I'll try to find it on YouTube, because it needs to be seen. Tomorrow someone has to go home, though. And it's getting hard to choose.

Top 3: Kristi, Mario, and Marissa

Bottom 2: Marlee and Cristian

Going home: I have no idea. I don't think Cristian has a fan base, but then Len had to go and make his threat. Marlee's too inspirational, so maybe Shannon?? I hope not.

Reality TV Sucks

Duh. Everyone knows it. Except my television professor, the renowned Robert Thompson, who made the case today in class that it should be upgraded from "guilty pleasure" to simply "pleasure."

I still maintain that reality TV is crap, and insultingly stupid crap at that. In class tonight, we watched a 30 minute "greatest hits" reality TV mix, including the final council from the first "Survivor," the reveal of Kelly Clarkson as the first American Idol, and clips from everything ranging from "Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?" to "Temptation Island" to "Big Brother." After those thirty minutes, I was ashamed of my gender and of my species. This is what evolution and the women's rights movement has brought us to: 20 women parading around onstage in bathing suits for the pleasure of a "multi-millionaire," to determine if they are worthy of marriage.

Some highlights:

From "Who Want to Marry a Multi-Millionaire": Apparently the guy that FOX chose was a huge creep who had a restraining order brought against him by a former girlfriend. So once the scandal broke, he did an interview on NBC's "Dateline." The most offensive bit went something like this:

NBC Man: "Ten women parading around in swimsuits? That's pretty much just a male fantasy, isn't it?"

Sleazeball millionaire: "Well, technically it was 'beachwear.' They could have worn shorts and a t-shirt."

NBC Man: "Would they have won if they wore shorts and a t-shirt?"

Sleazeball millionaire: "Give me a break, man. I am marrying this woman, after all!"

Classy.

From "Bachelorettes in Alaska": The premise was that these single women went to Alaska to find love, because men outnumber women 5-to-1 in Alaska. Here are some paraphrased quotes from the introduction: (Both said by the bachelorettes)

"Gosh, I can't imagine anything worse than being 35 or 40 and being unmarried!"

"I just want to be a baby machine."

My God, seriously? You can't imagine anything...not anything worse than being 35 and unmarried? This is why the rest of the world hates Americans.

Then there was "Joe Millionaire" and the reactions of the women to seeing the castle. "I always wanted to live in a castle!" "This is what every girl dreams of!"

"Paradise Hotel's" tagline: "Hook up or go home."

"Are You Hot?" These people actually had the gall to claim that "dreams will be realized!" in its intro. The dream to be objectified on national television?

Plus, there was the moral mess that was "Extreme Makeover," and all of the shows where women compete for the affections of men. Especially those shows on VH1 and MTV, where the men are old and ugly -- why would a woman degrade herself for that? Is being on a fourth-rate reality show really worth it?

All this is a long way of saying that reality TV celebrates the worst in humanity. I am routinely disgusted to find that people still tune in to things like "American Gladiators," "The Flava of Love 7," and "Big Brother." Hell, even "The Real World," which was unwatchable after the Las Vegas season. I mean, 7 million people tune in to watch Tila Tequila choose her mate and not even 2 million can be bothered to watch the series finale of arguably the greatest show ever? I lose faith in humanity pretty quickly.

Yeah, reality TV sucks.

Weekend Wrap-Up

The home stretch to finals and graduation is kicking my butt, so I apologize for the dearth of updates. There were some exciting developments in both "The Office" and "Battlestar Galactica" over this long weekend, and they of course need to be talked about.

First and foremost, we know Jim has an engagement ring for Pam. A RING! And he bought it within a week of his & Pam's first date. And this is why every 'Office'-watching woman I know is in love with Jim Halpert. He is the perfect boyfriend. The whole "Pam...will you wait for me while I tie my shoe?" was hilarious. I really hope this becomes a running gag for the rest of the season. Until the finale, when he actually proposes, of course. Which will be in some fantastic, totally Jim way.

Also, is this really the end of Michael & Jan? He seems to want to move on. But I wonder if he's kicked her out of his condo yet -- is he living with Dwight? Inquiring minds want to know.

"Oscar Meyer Weiner Lover." Too good to go without a mention.

Poor Kevin. First Stacy breaks up with him, then he has to endure the long walk to the Scranton business park each morning. I'm glad he "won one." It was great to see more of him this week anyway, after he got pushed to the side for the dinner party last week. But when will we get more Stanley?

Nice to get a line from Creed this week. Can't wait to see what happens when he gets his three chairs.

And, in everyone's favorite sci-fi epic, a not-so-favorite character bites it, a Cylon unleashes her dark side, and a really cute baby almost gets airlocked. Oh, and Starbuck is probably crazy.

Kara and her skeleton crew (Gaeta, Seelix, Anders, and the Fighting Agathons) are drifting somewhat aimlessly through space while she sorts through star charts and paints pictures of the sky on her walls. I thought the butterflies in her stomach were telling her where to go -- are they out of commission now? Anyway, she and Sam have some kind of love/hate-filled tryst aboard the Demetrius, and Kara tells Sam that she only married him because it (he) was easy and safe. We knew that already, Kara. Sam thinks Kara is another Cylon. That's probably going to end poorly for him.

Zarek is back, and he's manipulating Lee, I think. At the very least, he's trying to undermine Laura again by telling Lee how much she is amassing power and using secretive means to do so. So Lee does Zarek's bidding and tells the Quorum and the press about some document she was planning to keep secret. I really the writers don't turn Lee into Zarek's unwitting puppet. Seriously? We just went through that with Lampkin last season, and Lee is an intelligent man, so let's not make him look stupid again, kay?

The Cylon civil war continues, this time with the Cavils playing like they want peace with the Sixes, Twos, and Eights but then destroying their basestars without a Resurrection Ship in range. Yeah. It sucks. Also, Boomer and Cavil are an item. Ew.

Cally has been seeing everything through a fish-eye lens, if the camera focus on her this week was to be believed. She's also been going slightly crazy, what with her constantly crying child and imagining an affair between the Chief and Tory. She sneaks into the wall where the Four (minus Anders) have a conversation about being Cylons. Hearing that her husband is a Cylon doesn't sit well with Cally, to put it mildly. She beats the crap out of Chief with a wrench and then attempts to airlock herself and her Cybrid child, Nicky. She's interrupted by Tory, who has taken a turn to the dark side, but she's eerily calm and composed about it. She talks Cally into handing over Nicky and then bitch-slaps her halfway across the airlock chamber. Some newfound Cylon strength, perhaps? And then Tory sends Cally out the airlock. The End. Only 17 to go.

For lighter fare, I should have the Dancing with the Stars recap up tonight, and I just taped a re-run of the first episode of "Mad Men" on AMC, so I'm way excited to watch that tonight, too.