Welcome Back, BSG

Some thoughts I had while watching the season premiere:

Kara's adventures in time-traveling: Moore & Eick and Cuse & Lindelof must be friends. First there was "Heroes" and the discussions of space and time, then there was the magical island where time moves differently, and now there's Kara Thrace's wormhole experience. It actually reminded me a lot of the movie Contact, where Jodi Foster meets the aliens for 16 hours but it was really only a few seconds. I really like that Kara has no clue, but I wonder if she remembers the part Leoben played.

Also, that revelation in "Razor" ("Kara Thrace will lead the human race to its downfall") is looking a lot more important right about now. What happens if they follow her? I still think the series ends with them showing up in present-day Earth's atmosphere, and Bush orders up some nuclear missiles and kills them all. Side note: the question of what time period they'll find Earth in is fascinating to me. Do they arrive before us? Or do they find the remains of our civilization and start over?

Tigh "shooting" Adama: I totally bought it at first. And I loved the way it was shot, with the kind of slow, dream-like quality.

More thoughts later, but I'm off to the Carrier Dome for a full day of lacrosse. Go Cuse!

Tonight, Tonight

"Even if you're skeptical of science fiction, "Battlestar Galactica" will make a true believer out of you. " -- Heather Havrilesky, Slate.com

We are currently six hours away from the final season premiere of Battlestar Galactica. This show is -- now that "The Wire" is no more-- the greatest thing on television, and the first of twenty episodes of its fourth season will start tonight. To celebrate this glorious day, I've been re-watching my favorite episodes from Season 3. The only thing tampering my excitement: there are only ten episodes scheduled as of right now. Due to the strike, Sci Fi is holding the final ten for some unknown airdate. Which sucks, because I do NOT think I can wait another 13 MONTHS for the final ten to air.

If you have not yet seen Battlestar Galactica, don't tune in tonight and expect to understand what's going on. Here is my special three-step process for understanding BSG:

1) Read this. It's the best argument I've ever seen for watching the show, and it's mostly in picture form.

2) Watch the mini-series that preceeded the showIf you're not hooked after that (which is almost impossible), watch '33,' the first episode of season one, and one of the greatest episodes in the entire run of the show.

3) Get to Netflix or your nearest Best Buy, so that you can catch up on the 60 epsisodes that have already aired.

OR: you could read this primer from Slate, which sums up all you need to know before watching the premiere tonight. (5 hours and 45 minutes from now!!!)

Here's a whole bunch of links to read before tonight's premiere:

The LA Times loves Battlestar. And thinks you should watch.

A great interview with Maureen Ryan with BSG co-creator Ron Moore. If you might be tempted by spoilers, avoid this one.

Here's an interview with Apollo himself, Jamie Bamber. (No spoilers)

My favorite TV critic, Tim Goodman of the San Francisco Chronicle, raves about the fourth season, although he gets a lot of the facts about the show's backstory wrong. (Major spoilers, if you have not seen season 3)

Alan Sepinwall gives another rave. Here's another. And another. And yet another.

This doesn't have anything to do with BSG, but two other shows that we watch here at TCB: Hereoes and Chuck will air 13 straight new episodes starting in the fall.

Make sure you're watching: Battlestar Galactica, Season 4, Episode One, "He That Believeth In Me." Tonight at 10p.m. EST on the Sci Fi Channel.

American Idol Results: Nine to Eight

This. is. American. Idol.

Your Top 9 sing Dolly Parton's "9 to 5," and generally do a pretty miserable job of it. Michael Johns is wearing a black shirt with Dolly's face on it. Hee. In other wardrobe news, I kind of noticed this last night, and again tonight: David Archuleta dresses really well. I don't know if he's picking out the outfits, or if his crazy stage-dad is, but he always looks really, really good. And he's 17! Why can't college boys dress that well? Someone forgot to tell my generation that you can actually wear something besides a disgusting baseball hat, a ratty t-shirt, and sweat pants to class. 

After a pointless recap, Michael is summoned to center stage. He's safe. Archuleta is safe. (The shrieking! My ears!) Carly is safe. Good start.

They answer questions from viewers again, which seem a bit more intelligent this week, honestly I'm not really paying attention at this point. We do learn that Jason, Michael, and David Cook are roommates. Does that mean David Archuleta was rooming with Chikezie and David H., and now has a room to himself? That's cool for him. I wonder if the Idols root for their roommates to get voted off so they can have more room to themselves?

Something called the Clark Brothers is performing a country/hoedown version of "This Little Light of Mine." Isn't this a lullaby? Or a church song or something? It's really, really odd.

More results! (That is why we're here, after all.) David Cook is safe. Ramiele is FINALLY in the bottom three. Kristy joins her 10 seconds later. (Side note: I'm happy that Kristy's in the B3, because she's the worst singer left, but really, it just makes me angrier about last week. Did singing "God Bless the U.S.A." REALLY buy her that many votes?? I mean, last week is the only week she escaped the bottom three. It makes me very depressed that so many people were inspired to vote for her, solely due to that insipid song.)

And who doesn't want to see what the Idol has-beens are up to? Let's check in with Bucky (S5), Phil (S6), and Bo (S4). They're all having varying degrees of success in and around Nashville, and they all have albums to promote. Bucky says, "Idol was the smartest thing I've ever did." I bet it was.

Results! Syesha sang Whitney badly, but she's safe. Jason and Brooke are left, and it's SO Brooke in the B3; there's no way Jason's psycho fans didn't vote like crazy after last week's scare. And...it's Brooke.

Dolly comes out to sing about Jesus, and at the end she says "Hallelujah, Simon!" Aw, then she says to Ryan, "I've got Jesus, and you have Simon." And he's all Ryan needs, Dolly. Can she come back every week?

Onto the serious business. Brooke, Kristy, and Ramiele: they're roommates, too. Brooke is very emotional, but she's safe, and we're left with a dream bottom two: Kristy and Ramiele. I win no matter what. Ramiele goes home. Stop crying, you've still got the tour.

Next week: The Top 8 and Idol Gives Back. I know I'm a horrible human being for saying this, but I'm really not all that impressed with IGB. They raised$ 76 million last year, but that seems piddly, especially for a multi-gazillion dollar company. I'm going to try and do some math, so bear with me here: Last I heard, FOX charges $400,000 for a 30-second commercial during Idol. Say the show is 44 minutes long, which leaves 16 minutes for commercials, which equals 32 30-second commercials. 32 times $400,000 is $12.8 million. And they air what, 45 episodes of Idol a year? That's $576 million from just commerical revenue alone.

This is a long way of saying I probably will give the mute button a real workout next week. Maybe it will be Kristy Lee's time. One can only hope.

American Idol, Top 9

Best thing about this week's American Idol: TWO new Mac commercials!

This week is Dolly Parton week, and Dolly herself is there to "help out" the remaining nine contestants. The whole episode is completely rushed for time, which is amusing, considering that every other year they've managed to fit the Top Ten into one hour.

Brooke is up first, and sings with her guitar this week. The song starts out pretty rough, gets better, and finishes awesome. I just love Brooke, I think. Randy thinks she had pitch problems, Simon says it lacked emotion, and the crowd boos. Seriously: shut up, crowd.

I decided this week that since the pre-ordained front-runner hardly ever wins, it's going to be the other David who takes the crown this year. Plus, I think that "America" realizes that it effed up big-time in Season 5 when Daughtry got booted before the finals, and now it's trying to right its wrong with David C. Anyway, tonight, C. gives another solid performance -- with his own arrangement this time. He also got a haircut and grew a beard, which makes him look less doughy and mildly cute. Randy uses the word "false" when he means "falsetto." The judges like the performance.

Ramiele: What does this girl have to do to get kicked off?? Her voice is so thin, and she gets out-sung by the background singers again. I miss Chikezie. Simon deems it "forgettable." Word.

You all know I can't stand Jason Castro, right? Tonight, he sings my favorite Dolly song, "Travelin' Thru." And I LOVE it. The whole stoner vibe just works with this. I mean, I think I'll have to listen again, but that may be one of my favorite performances of the year. Randy thinks it was pretty good; Simon hated it.

Carly sings a very pretty ballad, and she sings it well. I don't know if it was captivating, but it was nice enough. Paula babbles incoherently, and Simon's like, 'God, shut up.' Simon tells Carly to start dressing like a star. Hee.

David Archuleta starts singing, and I get chills within seconds. He is just so good. Paula says he was "glorious." Simon agrees. The crowd agrees. I agree. You can't even hear his numbers over the shrieking.

Kristy Lee is going to do well this week, isn't she? And then we'll have to listen to her for another week after this. Poo. She sings; it's whatever. If she didn't leave after "Eight Days a Week," she's not leaving now. After the judges go 'meh,' Ryan compliments her on her French pedicure. Oh, Ryan. I'm so glad you know these things.

Syesha sings a Dolly/Whitney hybrid of "I Will Always Love You." I have no idea why people sing this song. It is never, ever going to be as good as Whitney. Syesha cheats her way through, and sings Dolly's version for a while, and then she goes for the *bass drum beat* *cymbal crash* "AND IIIIIIIIIIII will ALLLLWAYYYYS LOOOOOOVE YOOOOOUUUUU," and it all falls to pieces. Simon tells her she's not as good as Whitney. Duh.

Michael "I STILL need a haircut" Johns finishes out the night, and I got a phone call, so I didn't hear the whole performance, but Simon liked it a whole lot.

My tastes have been completely at odds with the voting public's so far this year, but here's what I've got:

Top three: David A., David C., Jason

Bottom three: Ramiele, Kristy Lee, Syesha

Going home: Ramiele (Please?)

Photo from rickey.org.

"War on the Floor" Week 3

I can't take credit for that snappy headline, that belongs to Samantha Harris, the dull host. This week, the stars will be performing either a jive or a tango.

The judging seemed very...funny to me this week. Clearly, I'm not enjoying the same performances as the judges, and it's really obvious this week. More on this later.

Marlee is up first with the jive. Her shoulders and feet are a little weird, but the choreography by Fabian is great and almost covers up all of her timing issues. I just enjoy watching her dance. And with Fabian, they just make a great team. The judges aren't as impressed, however, and give her a 21.

Steve does a tango with Anna, but Anna was sick all week, so he practiced with Anna's husband, Jonathan. As Steve says, "he's a little hairier than Anna." On th dance floor, I think Steve gets a bit stompy and flubs the ending. Then he puts a bowl on his head to face the judges. Is this a Police Academy thing? The judges loved him, and somehow give him the same score as Marlee. He was definitely not that good.

I really only need one word to sum up Cristian and Cheryl's jive: manic. Sometimes that's a good thing, like when he controls his footsteps and gets the fast-paced footwork under control. Sometimes it's very, very bad: like the scary smile that's pasted on his face until he starts thinking about the steps, and at the end, when he almost completely loses track of Cheryl. It tread a fine line, and I didn't think he stayed on the good side of the line. Judges go slightly bananas for it, and give him a 25. I'm not feeling it, dawg. (/Wrong reality show.)

Mario. Mmm, tight pants...I've talked about my shallowness before, right? Anyway, this guy commands the dance floor, totally owns it. I thought it was a strong and powerful tango, the judges rip it apart. Len chides him for his posture and his missteps. (Which, what? They were waaaay less noticable than Steve and Cristian's mistakes.) Len gives him a 6, which is lower than the score he's going to give ADAM in a little while, but Mario gets a 21 overall.

Derek and Shannon are doing the jive. Her costume is a wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen, and her hands can get better, but she is really, really growing on me. She's improving every week and working hard. She has to sit down to receieve her critique because she's so winded. The judges mostly love it, and she gets a 24.

Adam does the tango. And obviously, Julianne's choreography is awesome and actually makes him look like a half-decent dancer. However, he's still bad, and the judges seem to lose themselves and give him a 21. Then Adam tells the gays in the wardrobe department to dress Julianne sluttier. Not in those exact words, but close.

I just don't know what to think of Marissa. I feel like she should have come out and really rocked the jive tonight, because what else is Hairspray but one big jive? However, it was boring and lacked content, again. I don't know if this is all her fault, or maybe some of the blame should go to Tony, or maybe the INSANE heels they have her dancing in, but I agree with Carrie Ann. She should be better, and she's not. Plus, Danny and Anya jived to "Girlfriend" on SYTYCD last year, and it was a million times better. Judges give her a 19.

Priscilla tangoes. She's abnormally stiff, and Louis looks like he's forcing her from place to place around the floor, which I know that's OK in a tango, but it just looks wrong here. I'm just meh on her. The judges aren't. They love her. A 26? Really?

Jason! learns how to jive this week. I love how, in their practice montage, he and Edyta seem to be having so much fun, and that it's always the big football player that collapses of tiredness, while the teeny-tiny dancer is still on her feet demanding to do try again. The song is pretty slow, but he does a great job with the footwork and stays light on his feet. Len grumps a bit, but the other two liked it: 23.

Kristi closes, and even before she starts there are two major WTFs: her hair, which is plastered to her face, and Mark's suit, which is bright red. The music begins, and it gets even weirder. The music is this odd techno nonsense, but thankfully the dancing is just good enough to distract from it. I don't think the their tango was as good as their last two, and the judges actually hand out a bit of criticism, but she still ends up with a 27 for the third week in a row.

Bottom three: Adam, Marissa, Steve
Top three: Kristi, Jason, Shannon
Going home: Marissa