A-FRAKKING-MAZING

Battlestar Galactica: Season 4, Episode 2. "Six of One"

I love this show. I loved this episode of this show.

I loved that Roslin actually shot at Kara...and when she missed, her bullet landed directly in the middle of a picture of her and Bill.

I loved the scene between the Admiral and Kara in the brig. He can be so terrifying (a la "Torn," but he clearly loves her still).

I loved "We're going the wrong waaaaay!"

I love Katee Sackhoff, probably more than is healthy.

I LOVED HeadGaius. The conversation between real Gaius and the Gaius in his head was priceless. I think I prefer two Baltars to one. But what happens when HeadSix comes back? Does Gaius get two imaginary friends?

I loved the rec room scene and the toast to "missing friends." I thought it was a nice call-back to the final scene of "Scar."

I loved that the show took five minutes to show a conversation between Adama and Roslin. These two know how to hit each other where it hurts, and while seeing Madame President break down is never easy, Mary McDonnell really makes you feel her pain.

The scene between Lee and Kara in the brig, and what it meant for the two of them. I really, really hope it wasn't good-bye forever, but if it was...

"I never could say no to anyone."

"Except me."

"Especially you."

"Good luck on your journey, Lee Adama."

"You too, Kara Thrace."

...what a way to say farewell to Starbuck and Apollo.

I loved Lee's Galactica send-off. I cried, of course. But for those who have been invested in this character since the beginning, that moment meant so much: it was a goodbye to life that he never really wanted to lead, but now that it's time to let go, it means giving up everything that has defined him since the beginning of the series. I can't wait to see where they take Lee's character. And, bonus: I love that Jamie Bamber can wear civilian attire now.

I loved the beginnings of the Cylon civil war. I can't wait to see what happens now that the Centurions are self-aware. What happens if the Centurions destroy the models? Does the Cylon race just return to what it was before?

I love that Six is the boss of everything. I love this new incarnation -- I think her name is Natalie-- and I love how she is totally distinct from every other version Tricia Helfer has created up until now.

I love that we finally can pair numbers to faces: Cavil is One, Leoben is Two, D'Anna is Three, Simon is Four, Doral is Five, Six is Six, and Boomer is Eight. I wonder why they skipped Seven? Speaking of numbers, I totally thought that Six was going to unbox the Threes, and D'Anna was going to walk through the door, not the Centurions.

I love that Tigh basically pimped Tory out. Am I wrong in thinking that she slept with him on her own volition? I mean, I don't think she had to do that, it was just something about the way he talked about life's harmony got to her.

I love that Adama let Kara go, in defiance of Roslin. I love that Helo helped.

I hate that there are only 18 more episodes.

Perfection.

American Idol Results: When Eight Become Seven

Yeah, Idol Gives Back was on last night. No, I didn't watch the whole thing. I mean, two-and-a-half hours of utter nonsense? No thanks, I had much better things to do, like hate Donte Greene and win intramural basketball championships. Apparently, Teri Hatcher sang and Miley Cyrus performed twice. Man, too bad I missed it.

Tonight, though, we get back to the business of kicking people off the show. The first thing they do is remind us about Idol Gives Back. I didn't care last night, I sure as hell don't care now. Ryan says they've raised $60 million, which is $16 million less than last year. Until FOX starts donating its advertising revenue, I will continue to be bitterly cynical about this whole thing.

The Top 8 sing a song called, not kidding, "Shout to the Lord." What happens if they don't believe in the Lord? This song is terrible. David Cook is doing some sort of vocal gymnastics behind the chorus. Ooh, and now it's Carly's turn. If I wasn't typing, I would be fast-forwarding.

OK, now there's this montage to "I'm a Believer," and there's a lot of celebrities mouthing along to the song. Carrie's gay friend Stanford! Vinnie Jones! Kobe Bryant with a patch on his face? Dr. Phil? George Lopez? Cat Deeley, I miss you! Michael Chikilis! Some lady grabs her boobs. Classy. That guy from 'The Riches'! Rob Schneider...he's still famous?

Aaaaand, here we go. Results. Brooke is out first...I am really worried for Brooke. She makes a funny joke about maybe being at her sister's wedding on Saturday, and then she's safe!! Yay!

David Cook: Ryan tells him that "[he] looked humble, walking out here tonight." Uh...sure? I often walk humbly. David is safe, of course. Come on, he's the new Daughtry. America isn't messing up this early.

David A. (MY EARS!!) Holy crap, they're getting worse by the week. The screaming, my God. It's not like this kid is Justin Timberlake. Calm down. Duh, he's safe.

After a follow-up report from Forrest Whittaker and his wife, Ryan announces that Jordin Sparks will be performing...WITH CHRIS BROWN!! Wooo! I love this song like whoa. Seriously, everything that Chris Brown has done lately has come into frequent rotation on my iPod. It's like he can do no wrong. He can even make me care about Jordin Sparks.

After a Fordmercial, which involves splatter paint and Michael Johns doing the whitest white-man dance I have seen in ages, it's back to the results. Jason Castro is so stoned. It's not even up for debate today. Ryan asks him a question, and all we get is "Mmmph, idunno, hmmmmph. Brownies? What brownies?" Illegal drugs or not, he's safe. So out of our remaining four (Syesha, Kristy Lee, Carly, and Michael), three are in DANGER. I'm thinking they're going to tell the next person they're safe, which would leave the three in the back to be the bottom three.

And I hope I'm not right, because the next person Ryan calls is Kristy Lee. Yeah, she was half-decent yesterday, but: "Eight Days a Week!" Yodeling! I won't forget it, no matter how many crappy country ballads she sings! Dang, I was right. She's safe. I hate life.

Your bottom three: Michael, Syesha, Carly. I guess it was to be expected. With Michael landing in the B3, only the Davids have avoided the B3 every week.

AHHHH! Hillary Clinton is speaking to me!!! Make it stop!! Whew, it's John McCain...and now Barack! All three presidential candidates tell us to donate, blahblahblah.

What is Randy wearing? Some kind of Hawai'ian shirt? Is he trying to tell us that he secretly misses Jasmine Trias? Wow, that's about as bad as Paula...oh wait, Paula tops him with a beige ruffle-type thing.

Wow, Ryan does the elimination all at once. He tells Syesha and Carly that they're safe, and then does the meanest thing that's ever been done on this show. He says, "Last year at Idol Gives Back, we didn't eliminate a contestant. This year....we will be saying good-bye to Michael Johns." That is harsh, Ryan. Don't give the poor man hope.

Eh, I'm not that shocked. He went first, he wasn't that memorable, and I don't think he had the fanbase that others did. Do I think Syesha, Krsity Lee, and Jason should have gone before him? Absolutely. But at least he gets to sing "Dream On" as his elimination song. The irony there is tremendous.

Thursday Top Five: The Office is BACK, and we're celebrating

Tonight at 9 p.m. on NBC, our long national nightmare will come to an end. That's right, "The Office" is back after a long, LONG four-month hiatus. In fact, all of NBC's Thursday night comedies are new tonight, so after I suffer through an hour of American Idol results, I can cleanse my soul with "30 Rock," "The Office," and the soon-not-to-be an NBC comedy "Scrubs."

To celebrate the return of Jim and Pam (and all of our other favorite Dunder-Mifflinites), today's top five will celebrate relationships, the successful, the adorable, and the frustrating. In reverse order:

Honorable Mention: The "Most complicated but oh-so-intriguing" relationship: Starbuck & Apollo (Katee Sackhoff & Jamie Bamber, "Battlestar Galactica")

Will BSG creator Ron Moore put these two star-crossed lovers (?) together at the end of this, the final season? It's been foreshadowed all the way since "I thought you were dead," in the miniseries. These two have had to endure a dead brother & fiance, marriages to other people (one of whom is a cylon), their own emotional shortcomings, and now the fact that Starbuck is back from the dead and no one knows why. Is the "Starpollo" 'ship doomed to sink? We've only got 19 more episodes to find out, but I still believe, especially after seeing the "Unfinished Business" extended cut on the Season 3 DVD set. They're destined.

5) The "Who in the hell kept them apart for so long?" relationship: Luke & Lorelai (Scott Patterson & Lauren Graham, "The Gilmore Girls")

I absolutely love the final episodes of Season 4, starting with "Luke Can See Her Face." It's the culmination of four seasons of romantic tension, and when they finally kiss on Lorelai's front porch, I challenge anyone not to at least cheer a little. Luke may be the only one that can handle Lorelai's neuroses, but the producers only gave us, like, one season total of the two of them being happy, before Luke inexplicably becomes an asshole in season 6 and then Lorelai inexplicably gets married to Christopher in season 7. Thankfully, she divorces Christopher and sings "I Will Always Love You" to Luke near the end of the final season, and they live happily ever after. Alas, it is in a world in which Lauren Graham does not have an Emmy and William Shatner does.

4) The "So gay it's not gay" relationship: Turk & J.D. (Donald Faison & Zach Braff, "Scrubs")

What can I say? YouTube "Guy Love Scrubs" and you will witness the hands-down best male friendship on primetime TV. College roommates who grew up to work at the same hospital, Turk and J.D. redefine man-crush into man-love. Besides "Guy Love," the best moment in their relationship is when Turk comes home from his honeymoon with Carla, only to have a joyful reunion with J.D. at the hospital.

3) The "For God's sake, just DO IT already" relationship: Mulder & Scully (David Duchovny & Gillian Anderson, "The X-Files")

Ah, the days of X-Files and years of Mulder and Scully not kissing. First there was the forehead kiss in "Momento Mori" that should have been so much more. (She had CANCER, dammit, just kiss already!) Then there was the kiss-that-wasn't in "Fight the Future." Stupid alien-vaccine bee had to go and interrupt the almost kiss. Oh, and let's not forget "Triangle," where Mulder was trapped in the Bermuda Triangle in 1942 and kissed the Scully look-alike, only to wake up on a raft and discover that it wasn't the real Scully. FINALLY, we had "Millennium," where the real Scully and the real Mulder kissed each other on the lips at the stroke of midnight. Then there was "All Things," the did-they-or-didn't-they sleep together episode. It all culminated with "Existence," when Mulder (returned from his abuction experience) and Scully kissed over their weird alien baby. And then Duchovny left the show.

2) The "Wow, married life doesn't look so bad" relationship: Coach & Tami Taylor (Kyle Chandler & Connie Britton, "Friday Night Lights")

On FNL, the adult relationship between Eric & Tami is the heart of all things awesome. They bicker and they tease, but they love each other, and it is beautiful.

1) The "Oh, my God, could they BE any cuter?" relationship: Jim & Pam (John Krasinski & Jenna Fischer, "The Office")

Of course, it had to be them. And I apologize ahead of time for the cheesiness and poor production value of the video I'm about to embed, but no amount of gushing on my part can accurately describe the cuteness that is Jim & Pam. It has to be witnessed. And it's back on my TV tonight!!

Reality Wrap-Up

I goofed tonight and forgot to set the VCR to tape Idol and Dancing with the Stars. A quick look around the Internet tells me that Adam Carolla finally said good-bye on DwtS. And thanks to rickey.org, I was able to listen to the Idol mp3s from tonight's Top 8: Idol Gives Back edition of the show.

Here's what I heard:

Michael Johns performs "Dream On," and I love this song because it plays over the end credits of "Miracle," and I'm always crying inspirational tears while the credits are rolling. But Michaelis no Steven Tyler, and his voice just does not hold up to the higher notes. Meh.

I cannot fathom why someone would choose to sing one of the winning 'Idol' anthems. They are, hands down, some of the worst songs ever written. Yet that is what Syesha Mercado has chosen to sing tonight: Fantasia's winning ballad from S3, "I Believe." For the second week in a row, she has made the most incomprehensible song choice among the Idols. Syesha is over-reaching, I think. Her voice isn't good enough for the songs she's singing.

For the second week in a row, I love Jason Castro's performance. What's wrong with me? He sings the Hawai'ian version of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," complete with ukelele, andit works perfectly for him. He sounds fantastic, so much better than Katherine McPhee's overwrought and over-praised version from S5.

Kristy Lee sings "Anyway." This is the thing about Kristy: she's Kellie Pickler. She's blond, she's cute, and she's a terrible singer who is destined for the Top 6 because she sings country music. Thi performance actually wasn't terrible, I enjoyed it more than anything else she's done.

I had a few weeks in a row where I really liked David Cook's performances, and I was wondering if there was something wrong with me. He comes back this week with "Innocent" by Our Lady Peace, and it is a hot mess. The beginning sucks, the high notes suck, and he only kind of pulls it together for the chorus and bridge near the end. This is the worst I've heard him sing, and I think it was the worst of the night.

Oh, the desperation. Carly sings "The Show Must Go On." Oh, dear. Freddie Mercury you are not. This is such a strange performance: sometimes she's over-singing and it sounds strained, and other times she's not singing enough and gets drowned out by the background singers of doom. She tries to belt the big notes at the end and fails. Maybe THIS was the worst performance of the night. I liked Nicole Kidman's version in "Moulin Rouge" much better.

Is "Angels" the one Robbie Williams song that actually crossed over to America? I can never remember. David Archuleta plays the piano and sings the song. The beginning is rough -- a lot of the notes sound too low for him, but then he hits the chorus, and his voice just soars. This kid. Depending on the suckiness of the songs on his album, I may actually buy it. (Maybe just one or two songs on iTunes)

I was bored just listening to Brooke sing, so I can't imagine what it was like to watch. I thought she was pleasant to listen to. Meh.

Top 3: Jason, David A., Kristy Lee (I know!)

Bottom 3: Brooke, Carly, Syesha

Going home: My head says Brooke, but my heart doesn't want to believe that.

Dancing With the Stars, Week 4

I'm half-paying attention to the NCAA Championship game, but tonight we need to remember what happened five years ago: 81-78. The greatest night of my life.

Moving on to less tear-inducing moments, the fourth week of everyone's favorite ballroom dancing competition showcased some great dancing, some inflated scores, and a comment about swan mating. Here we go:

After going last or next-to-last for the first three weeks, Kristi and Mark lead off the show with a paso doble. Before she even starts to dance, I'm feeling a 10. She's due. For the seond week in a row, they get the award for "Most Bizarre Music Selection." I don't think a techno version of "Blue Monday" by Orgy qualifies as ballroom dancing music. Maybe they're purposely handicapping her with bad music, because that's the only way she can be stopped? The routine is great, as usual. She has a small misstep near the end, but she's still in a class by herself in this competition. I was right: first 10s of the year come from Carrie Ann and Bruno, for a score of 29.

Sweet, the Vietnamese Fighting Waltz! Or Viennese Waltz, as it is known to those who didn't see Season 2 of So You Think You Can Dance. Priscilla and Louis do a fairly quick waltz, and her steps are great, but her upper body is weirdly stiff and the hold just looks off to me. Bruno points out her shoulder/line problem. Carie Ann compliments her facial expressions (...with a straight face) but then goes back to the "lift" nonsense from last year. You can't do a lift in a waltz when Carrie Ann is watching, she will dock you for it. Carrie Ann and Len take a point off for the lift, they're given a score of 22.

Adam and Julianne are doing the paso. He comes out on a unicycle, in full Zorro gear, including mustache, cape, and mask. It's typical Adam: not good, stompy, and Julianne does most of the work in an effort to distract from her terrible partner. After its over, Julianne says, "That was friggin' awesome." I don't know if "awesome" is the word I would use, but OK. Carrie Ann says, "I've never seen one like that before." That's what she said. The judges try not to say he was terrible, but he was. He gets a 19.

Did you know that Marlee was deaf? I know, they haven't mentioned it in the past few seconds, but have no fear, the show reminds you by saying that she has trouble keeping her balance because she's deaf. I didn't get to watch the whole dance, because my VCR crapped out in the middle, but the judges seemed to have liked it for the most part. She gets a 24.

Mario tries to recover from his off week with the paso, which going in, sounds good for him. What is with the music tonight?!?! They're dancing to "Higher Ground" by the Chili Peppers, and again, it's a dancetastic version or something. Bad music aside, I wasn't impressed. Maybe it was because they spent so much of the dance apart, but it seemed disjointed. The judges were impressed, though Len thinks he was out of control a bit. I agree with that -- Mario's a very powerful dancer, and sometimes it becomes too much. He gets a 8, 7, 9 for a 24.

Jason and Edyta give my favorite performance of the year. I had to stop and rewind because I was in awe of how great Jason's hands were. This guy is a football player, but his wrists and hands were better than 75% of the girls on my dance team in high school. He carries himself so well on the dance floor, and he and Edyta really made the dance sensual. They're connecting with each other as the competition goes on, and it's showing on the dance floor. They stumble slightly near the end, but they recover so quickly that it really isn't noticable. Bruno sums it up nicely by saying, "It was like a majestic swan intertwined in a mating ritual." I can't do any better than that. They get a 10, 9, 10 to match Kristi with a 29.

Cristian and Cheryl get the paso. They're both wearing these bizarre pleather outfits with capes. Cristian yells at various points during the routine, but overall, Cheryl is doing most of the work. Bruno says Cristian made the dance "very Latino." Maybe cause...he...is? I think they're overscored with a 9, 8, 9 for a 26.

Disaster alert! Derek was practicing last week for the results show and pulled a muscle in his neck! The ambulance came and it was all very dramatic! Shannon had to practice with Jonathan while Derek had to sit out all week with a brace on his neck! How will they ever recover?!?! The answer is: very well. Derek is back out on the dance floor with Shannon and they put together their best routine of the season. They dance to "Keep Holding On," by Avril, which makes it two weeks in a row that a DwtS couple has done the same dance to the same song that Danny and Anya did on SYTYCD last year. Unlike Marisa's jive last week, Shannon and Derek bring themselves to within shouting distance of the awesomeness that was Danya. Shannon's arms are getting so much better from week to week, and she even pulls off a nice spin on one foot near the end of the dance (which Danny and Anya also did...better). Shannon's totally in my top three favorites, I'm so glad she's getting better. Len thinks it was the best dance of the night. They get a 9, 10, 9 for a score of 28.

Marisa and Tony finish up with a paso doble. Tony is wearing yet another strange outfit, this time black pants and a poofy red cropped jacket. This is definitely the best Marisa has been all year, but it's the first time I've noticed just how short she is and how awkward that looks with Tony. She gets her best score of the year: 24.

Overall, I think the scores were too high tonight, and the scores aren't reflecting the sizeable gap between the top tier (Kristi, Jason, and Shannon) and the next step down (Cristian, Mario, Marlee, and Priscilla).

If I was a betting woman, I would put money on Adam finally going home, but I wouldn't be surprised if Priscilla or Marisa got the boot.