The Cable Box
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Lists: Read 'em and Weep (Or Cheer)
The Empire list boasts some pretty...interesting choices, most notably "Heroes" at #15. One good season and a half of a crappy season does not a top-15 TV show make. Perhaps displaying some British bias, they include the UK version of "The Office" but not the American version. The Top 10 is fairly solid, however, both "Friends" and "24" beat out "The Wire," (which comes in at #8).
What do you think? I think it's a daunting task to name the best TV shows of all time, especially if you're going to waste a Top 10 spot on a sitcom about the sex lives of vapid 30-somethings. But that's just me.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Eliminations, Beautiful People, and It's Never Too Early for an Emmy Rant
First, Dancing with the Stars said good-bye to Shannon Elizabeth, who lasted much, much longer than any other model/leggy actress before her. She may not have won the trophy, but she did gain a (much younger) boyfriend in her partner, Derek Hough. So what if the relationship dies after three weeks? It was adorable while it lasted. Seriously, though. I really liked Shannon, and though it was clear that she was not going to win, she gave it her all and really improved over the course of her time on DWtS.
Then, last night, American Idol eliminated Brooke White, who had actually gotten progressively worse since her first performance on the show. She hit her high point in Week One with "Let It Be," and went downhill from there. Visibly nervous, she started two songs over and gave many, many shaky performances. But there was still so much to love about her Brooke-ness that you almost didn't mind. I hope she goes on to make lovely, Norah Jones-ish records sitting at her piano.
That leaves us with a fairly solid Top Four, with one glaring exception. Jason Castro is the biggest one-trick pony that ever tricked, and he's sailing through. Next week is the patented BIG SHOCKING ELIMINATION week (See: Grey, Tamyra; London, LaToya; and Daughtry, Chris) so my bet is that Jason and Syesha hang on and one of the Davids goes, clearing the way for the other David to win. We shall see, though. Syesha is verging on Nikki McKibbon territory here, hitting the bottom two every week, but somehow squeaking by. This means she has no fanbase, whereas each of the three remaining men/boys does. Should be a very interesting week...especially because it is "Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame Week" which plays right into David Cook's wheelhouse.
In other news, Jason Taylor, All-Pro linebacker and this week's leader on DWTS, has been named one of People Magazine's Most Beautiful People. Some other familiar faces show up on the issue's preview, including American Idol Carrie Underwood, Comedy Central's Sarah Silverman, Samantha Who? herself, Christina Applegate, Eva Longoria, the entire cast of "Gossip Girl," and a fully-clothed Vanessa Hudgens.
The awards show that absolutely no one cares about, the Daytime Emmys, announced their nominations yesterday. This, of course, got me thinking about the real Emmy nominations, which are announced in just about two and a half months -- July 17th. That date marks "The Wire's" final shot at any significant nominations. They submitted the fifth season premiere "More With Less" and the series finale "-30-" for consideration, but the realist inside me says that if the magnificent fourth season couldn't garner even one cruddy nomination, the somewhat flawed fifth season won't, either. I'm really trying to resign myself to it now, so that I'm only mildly enraged on the morning of the 17th.
I'm two discs and 16 episodes into the first season of "How I Met Your Mother," and I'm pretty much in love with it. Barney is quickly moving up the ranks of my favorite TV characters of all time.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
American Idol: only three more weeks of this!
1) Archuleta "America." Hate the song choice, love how he sang it.
2) Syesha "Thank the Lord for the Night Time." So Broadway it hurts.
3) Castro 'Forever in Blue Jeans." Perfect song for him.
4) Brooke "I Am...I Said." Very Brooke. I'm so glad she had one good performance.
5) Syesha "Hello Again." She had a great night tonight.
6) Archuleta "Sweet Caroline." Penalized because it's the Red Sox song.
7) Cook "All I Really Need is You." Parts of it were good, I guess.
8) Cook "I'm Alive." Most of this was not good.
9) Castro "September Morn." More like September Bore.
10) Brooke "I'm a Believer." Ouch. Her voice is definitely not strong enough for this song.
Overall:
1) Syesha
2) Archuleta
(Monstrous Gap)
3) Castro
4) Cook
5)Brooke
Syesha still has no fanbase, but Brooke has been struggling for awhile now. However, it might be time for a shock! bottom three placement, so keep an eye out for one of the David to flirt with disaster and rejuvenate their fanbase before their inevitable showdown in the finals.
Bottom Two: Brooke, Syesha
Going home: Brooke
Monday, April 28, 2008
Like I Need More TV to Watch

It's gonna be legend-... wait for it... and I hope you're not lactose intolerant because the second half of that word is DAIRY!
We're building an igloo in Central Park! It's going to be legendary! Snow-suit up!
What's that? Self five? Nice! We out!

Huge Weekly Wrap-Up; The Week In Pictures

Then we said goodbye to Marlee. This one was deserved.

They were not successful. (Picture credit to pessimistreader) Also on The Office, we learned that Ryan has a cocaine addiction and Toby is leaving Scranton for Costa Rica. (Season finale title: "Good Bye, Toby") Also, here is an amazing countdown of the best Jim & Pam moments in the history of The Office. Oh, the memories.
This list of "Jump the Shark" moments was released. I could not agree more with the entries for Idol, Grey's Anatomy, and Heroes. Sanjaya was the jumping point for Idol. The fact that the judges put him in the top 24 was inexcusable. Grey's...I can't say anything that hasn't been said, but killing Denny (even though that's not the jumping point the writer uses) sent the show into unecessary melodrama, which culminated with the unfortunate Gizzy experiment, and apparently, they're still trying to drag on the business with Alex and Jane Doe. Seriously? Does anyone actually want them together? They had something with Alex and Izzie, or even Alex and Addison, and they blew it. I could rant for days about Grey's, though, so I'll move on.
The Heroes moment that Matthew Gilbert chooses (the first season finale), is the most obvious example I've seen of a show being unable to deliver on its premise. These are people with superpowers, and for the bulk of the finale, they are standing around, not using them. All season, they had built up to a super battle between Peter and Sylar, and it lasted approximately 15 seconds. I think I could actally hear the whoosh of disappointed sighs as the episode ended. To make matters worse, two days later, the Lost season 3 finale (a.k.a. the greatest episode ever) aired, and the difference in quality between the "grown-up" twisty sci-fi show and its spawn had never been more pronounced. You can trace Heroes' disappointing second season right back to its season one finale. Here's hoping that their new concentration on villans (bring Kensei back, you fools! He was the best thing about the second season!) will breathe new life into the show next fall.
In "better late than never" news, after four years of crappy sports teams, we Orange seniors finally have two sports teams we can feel good about: All hail the mighty power of Syracuse lacrosse. Yes, Katie Rowan is The Boss Of Everything. Just accept it now.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
American Idol: Your Top 6
Syesha is up first, and she sings "One Rock and Roll too Many" from a musical that is not Phantom. She handles the space issue by starting out the song on top of a piano. I think the beginning is lovely and seems to fit her voice, but as the song goes on, it really exposes again how weak her voice is, which was her problem in the early weeks. And then she starts yelling, and it is a lot off pitch. That went downhill fast. Randy thinks it was her best performance yet. Whaaaa? Randy, this was the perfect time to use "pitchy!" Even Simon was swayed. The yelling? And the pitchiness? The weak voice? Ehhhh, I'm not buying it. I think the over-praise is in reponse to the article this week pointing out what we already knew: singing first is the kiss of death in some rounds. They over-compensated for what was a mediocre performance.
I recognize this song! This is the famous Cats song, "Memory." Jason didn't know that a cat sang the song in the musical, despite its title. Give him a break...when this was taped he was probably gearing up for 4/20. Anyway, I think this has "disaster" written all over it. He is totally not cut out for this song, it is way too big for his voice. There are some really good parts and some really, really awful parts. Randy uses the word "trainwreck." This was such a poor song choice. Paula...is an idiot. I quote: "It was really wise of you to choose this choice. It really identifies your unique being as an artist." Simon goes the "child at a wedding" route, and the crowd doesn't even boo all that much. Meh.
Brooke is singing "You Must Love Me" from Evita. It looks like ALW gives her some solid advice for the performance. She's without a piano this week, and she stops and starts over one line into the song. There's a terrible 3 second pause -- that has never really happened on Idol before, before she starts up again. I'm torn with Brooke now. I think she's working herself into a mental panic before every performance, and it's showing, but when she can settle down and give a full performance, she's great. The crowd and judges are kind of stunned, even Paula has to grasp for words. Simon seems to realize what a fragile emotional state she's in, and keeps the criticism to "I think you'll be disappointed in yourself." If she's voted out tomorrow I would really hate for her sing-out to be to "You Must Love Me."
David A. is up next. "Think of Me!" I love this song. ALW doesn't know how a boy can sing this song meant for a diva. David has altered the arrangement of the song, and vows to work on keeping his eyes open during his performance. You know, I never thought about that. Maybe that's why most of the time I fawn over his voice, but the performance leaves me strangely cold. The change of arrangement is a little off-putting, but the singing is incredible as usual. His eyes were open most of the time, too. Randy proclaims him "the one to beat." Paula deems it "perfect." Simon says it was one of his weaker performances. Hmmm, I think this is Simon's reverse psychology at work here. Yes, I buy into the theory that Simon is a manipulative bastard, and this is his wake-up call to David's legions of teenybopper fans. You may have a different take on it, of course.
Ugh, they put David C. in the pimp spot. I swear, if he wins...
Anyway, Carly is next and she is singing "Jesus Christ Superstar." I want Carly to be better than she is. I mostly enjoyed her performance, but she veers dangerously into shouting territory on some of the bigger notes. I thought it showed a lot of her personality, and while she's still treading the line between having fun and utter desperation, I think this came down just on the good sign of the line. Judges? Liked it, with Simon proclaiming it one of his favorites of the night.
David C. is singing "Music of the Night" from Phantom, which sounds like a great choice for him. ALW isn't convinced, only saying "maybe it will work." David has a great voice, which is why I don't understand all of the nonsense he puts into his other performances. I mean, WOW, this is fantastic, if you just listen to it. Randy says it was a "molten hot lava bomb." Does the Pentagon make those? Simon wants him back in his RAWK box. Noooooo, that ruins him!! Don't listen to him, David! If I were a contestant, I would hate the advice from the judges. Make the song your own, but don't step outside the pre-made box we place you in. God.
Rankings:
David C.
David A.
Carly
Syesha
Brooke
Jason
I forget if they do bottom three tomorrow. If they do, I'm thinking Brooke, Jason, and Syesha. Brooke is going home, as much as I'd like Jason to go after that mess of a performance.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Dancing with the Stars, Week 7

Reality TV Sucks
I still maintain that reality TV is crap, and insultingly stupid crap at that. In class tonight, we watched a 30 minute "greatest hits" reality TV mix, including the final council from the first "Survivor," the reveal of Kelly Clarkson as the first American Idol, and clips from everything ranging from "Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?" to "Temptation Island" to "Big Brother." After those thirty minutes, I was ashamed of my gender and of my species. This is what evolution and the women's rights movement has brought us to: 20 women parading around onstage in bathing suits for the pleasure of a "multi-millionaire," to determine if they are worthy of marriage.
Some highlights:
From "Who Want to Marry a Multi-Millionaire": Apparently the guy that FOX chose was a huge creep who had a restraining order brought against him by a former girlfriend. So once the scandal broke, he did an interview on NBC's "Dateline." The most offensive bit went something like this:
NBC Man: "Ten women parading around in swimsuits? That's pretty much just a male fantasy, isn't it?"
Sleazeball millionaire: "Well, technically it was 'beachwear.' They could have worn shorts and a t-shirt."
NBC Man: "Would they have won if they wore shorts and a t-shirt?"
Sleazeball millionaire: "Give me a break, man. I am marrying this woman, after all!"
Classy.
From "Bachelorettes in Alaska": The premise was that these single women went to Alaska to find love, because men outnumber women 5-to-1 in Alaska. Here are some paraphrased quotes from the introduction: (Both said by the bachelorettes)
"Gosh, I can't imagine anything worse than being 35 or 40 and being unmarried!"
"I just want to be a baby machine."
My God, seriously? You can't imagine anything...not anything worse than being 35 and unmarried? This is why the rest of the world hates Americans.
Then there was "Joe Millionaire" and the reactions of the women to seeing the castle. "I always wanted to live in a castle!" "This is what every girl dreams of!"
"Paradise Hotel's" tagline: "Hook up or go home."
"Are You Hot?" These people actually had the gall to claim that "dreams will be realized!" in its intro. The dream to be objectified on national television?
Plus, there was the moral mess that was "Extreme Makeover," and all of the shows where women compete for the affections of men. Especially those shows on VH1 and MTV, where the men are old and ugly -- why would a woman degrade herself for that? Is being on a fourth-rate reality show really worth it?
All this is a long way of saying that reality TV celebrates the worst in humanity. I am routinely disgusted to find that people still tune in to things like "American Gladiators," "The Flava of Love 7," and "Big Brother." Hell, even "The Real World," which was unwatchable after the Las Vegas season. I mean, 7 million people tune in to watch Tila Tequila choose her mate and not even 2 million can be bothered to watch the series finale of arguably the greatest show ever? I lose faith in humanity pretty quickly.
Yeah, reality TV sucks.
Weekend Wrap-Up

Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Wednesday's Top Twelve: Shows I Should Watch
12) The West Wing (7 seasons, 155 episodes)
11) Rome (2 seasons, 22 episodes)
10) Buffy the Vampire Slayer (7 seasons, 145 episodes) This is inexcusable, especially considering that I'm sharing a blog with the biggest Buffy fan of them all. I love Joss, and I love James Marsters, so I'm sure I'll get around to this...someday.
9) Bones (2+ seasons, ongoing) What can I say, I'm a sucker for a good unrequited love story.
8) 30 Rock (1+ seasons, ongoing) It's on right before The Office and Scrubs, so it just makes sense to watch. And I'm tired of getting mad at Alec Baldwin for taking away Steve Carell's awards without giving him a fair look.
7) Deadwood (3 seasons, 36 episodes) I only got HBO last year, so I have to play catch-up.
6) Felicity (4 seasons, 84 episodes) I can't call myself a full member of the cult of J.J. until I watch his first TV series.
5) Weeds (3 seasons, 37 episodes) The first season is actually in my Netflix queue. I'll get there eventually.
4) How I Met Your Mother (3+ seasons, ongoing) I'm tired of hearing about Robin Sparkles and not knowing who she is. Also in the Netflix queue.
3) Mad Men (1 season, 13 episodes) Yeah, as soon as AMC hurries up and actually releases it on DVD. I'm WAITING!
2) The Sopranos (6 seasons, 86 episodes) Again, I'm way behind the HBO curve. I'll get there.
1) Veronica Mars (3 seasons, 64 episodes) I really should have tuned in earlier, but at least I saved my self the heartache of the "cancelled/not cancelled/skipping ahead 5 years/switching networks/sill cancelled" game.
There we go! By my rough math, I have 45 seasons, 811 episodes, and right around 770 hours of television to watch.
American Idol: The Lucky Six?
