A-FRAKKING-MAZING

Battlestar Galactica: Season 4, Episode 2. "Six of One"

I love this show. I loved this episode of this show.

I loved that Roslin actually shot at Kara...and when she missed, her bullet landed directly in the middle of a picture of her and Bill.

I loved the scene between the Admiral and Kara in the brig. He can be so terrifying (a la "Torn," but he clearly loves her still).

I loved "We're going the wrong waaaaay!"

I love Katee Sackhoff, probably more than is healthy.

I LOVED HeadGaius. The conversation between real Gaius and the Gaius in his head was priceless. I think I prefer two Baltars to one. But what happens when HeadSix comes back? Does Gaius get two imaginary friends?

I loved the rec room scene and the toast to "missing friends." I thought it was a nice call-back to the final scene of "Scar."

I loved that the show took five minutes to show a conversation between Adama and Roslin. These two know how to hit each other where it hurts, and while seeing Madame President break down is never easy, Mary McDonnell really makes you feel her pain.

The scene between Lee and Kara in the brig, and what it meant for the two of them. I really, really hope it wasn't good-bye forever, but if it was...

"I never could say no to anyone."

"Except me."

"Especially you."

"Good luck on your journey, Lee Adama."

"You too, Kara Thrace."

...what a way to say farewell to Starbuck and Apollo.

I loved Lee's Galactica send-off. I cried, of course. But for those who have been invested in this character since the beginning, that moment meant so much: it was a goodbye to life that he never really wanted to lead, but now that it's time to let go, it means giving up everything that has defined him since the beginning of the series. I can't wait to see where they take Lee's character. And, bonus: I love that Jamie Bamber can wear civilian attire now.

I loved the beginnings of the Cylon civil war. I can't wait to see what happens now that the Centurions are self-aware. What happens if the Centurions destroy the models? Does the Cylon race just return to what it was before?

I love that Six is the boss of everything. I love this new incarnation -- I think her name is Natalie-- and I love how she is totally distinct from every other version Tricia Helfer has created up until now.

I love that we finally can pair numbers to faces: Cavil is One, Leoben is Two, D'Anna is Three, Simon is Four, Doral is Five, Six is Six, and Boomer is Eight. I wonder why they skipped Seven? Speaking of numbers, I totally thought that Six was going to unbox the Threes, and D'Anna was going to walk through the door, not the Centurions.

I love that Tigh basically pimped Tory out. Am I wrong in thinking that she slept with him on her own volition? I mean, I don't think she had to do that, it was just something about the way he talked about life's harmony got to her.

I love that Adama let Kara go, in defiance of Roslin. I love that Helo helped.

I hate that there are only 18 more episodes.

Perfection.

American Idol Results: When Eight Become Seven

Yeah, Idol Gives Back was on last night. No, I didn't watch the whole thing. I mean, two-and-a-half hours of utter nonsense? No thanks, I had much better things to do, like hate Donte Greene and win intramural basketball championships. Apparently, Teri Hatcher sang and Miley Cyrus performed twice. Man, too bad I missed it.

Tonight, though, we get back to the business of kicking people off the show. The first thing they do is remind us about Idol Gives Back. I didn't care last night, I sure as hell don't care now. Ryan says they've raised $60 million, which is $16 million less than last year. Until FOX starts donating its advertising revenue, I will continue to be bitterly cynical about this whole thing.

The Top 8 sing a song called, not kidding, "Shout to the Lord." What happens if they don't believe in the Lord? This song is terrible. David Cook is doing some sort of vocal gymnastics behind the chorus. Ooh, and now it's Carly's turn. If I wasn't typing, I would be fast-forwarding.

OK, now there's this montage to "I'm a Believer," and there's a lot of celebrities mouthing along to the song. Carrie's gay friend Stanford! Vinnie Jones! Kobe Bryant with a patch on his face? Dr. Phil? George Lopez? Cat Deeley, I miss you! Michael Chikilis! Some lady grabs her boobs. Classy. That guy from 'The Riches'! Rob Schneider...he's still famous?

Aaaaand, here we go. Results. Brooke is out first...I am really worried for Brooke. She makes a funny joke about maybe being at her sister's wedding on Saturday, and then she's safe!! Yay!

David Cook: Ryan tells him that "[he] looked humble, walking out here tonight." Uh...sure? I often walk humbly. David is safe, of course. Come on, he's the new Daughtry. America isn't messing up this early.

David A. (MY EARS!!) Holy crap, they're getting worse by the week. The screaming, my God. It's not like this kid is Justin Timberlake. Calm down. Duh, he's safe.

After a follow-up report from Forrest Whittaker and his wife, Ryan announces that Jordin Sparks will be performing...WITH CHRIS BROWN!! Wooo! I love this song like whoa. Seriously, everything that Chris Brown has done lately has come into frequent rotation on my iPod. It's like he can do no wrong. He can even make me care about Jordin Sparks.

After a Fordmercial, which involves splatter paint and Michael Johns doing the whitest white-man dance I have seen in ages, it's back to the results. Jason Castro is so stoned. It's not even up for debate today. Ryan asks him a question, and all we get is "Mmmph, idunno, hmmmmph. Brownies? What brownies?" Illegal drugs or not, he's safe. So out of our remaining four (Syesha, Kristy Lee, Carly, and Michael), three are in DANGER. I'm thinking they're going to tell the next person they're safe, which would leave the three in the back to be the bottom three.

And I hope I'm not right, because the next person Ryan calls is Kristy Lee. Yeah, she was half-decent yesterday, but: "Eight Days a Week!" Yodeling! I won't forget it, no matter how many crappy country ballads she sings! Dang, I was right. She's safe. I hate life.

Your bottom three: Michael, Syesha, Carly. I guess it was to be expected. With Michael landing in the B3, only the Davids have avoided the B3 every week.

AHHHH! Hillary Clinton is speaking to me!!! Make it stop!! Whew, it's John McCain...and now Barack! All three presidential candidates tell us to donate, blahblahblah.

What is Randy wearing? Some kind of Hawai'ian shirt? Is he trying to tell us that he secretly misses Jasmine Trias? Wow, that's about as bad as Paula...oh wait, Paula tops him with a beige ruffle-type thing.

Wow, Ryan does the elimination all at once. He tells Syesha and Carly that they're safe, and then does the meanest thing that's ever been done on this show. He says, "Last year at Idol Gives Back, we didn't eliminate a contestant. This year....we will be saying good-bye to Michael Johns." That is harsh, Ryan. Don't give the poor man hope.

Eh, I'm not that shocked. He went first, he wasn't that memorable, and I don't think he had the fanbase that others did. Do I think Syesha, Krsity Lee, and Jason should have gone before him? Absolutely. But at least he gets to sing "Dream On" as his elimination song. The irony there is tremendous.

Thursday Top Five: The Office is BACK, and we're celebrating

Tonight at 9 p.m. on NBC, our long national nightmare will come to an end. That's right, "The Office" is back after a long, LONG four-month hiatus. In fact, all of NBC's Thursday night comedies are new tonight, so after I suffer through an hour of American Idol results, I can cleanse my soul with "30 Rock," "The Office," and the soon-not-to-be an NBC comedy "Scrubs."

To celebrate the return of Jim and Pam (and all of our other favorite Dunder-Mifflinites), today's top five will celebrate relationships, the successful, the adorable, and the frustrating. In reverse order:

Honorable Mention: The "Most complicated but oh-so-intriguing" relationship: Starbuck & Apollo (Katee Sackhoff & Jamie Bamber, "Battlestar Galactica")

Will BSG creator Ron Moore put these two star-crossed lovers (?) together at the end of this, the final season? It's been foreshadowed all the way since "I thought you were dead," in the miniseries. These two have had to endure a dead brother & fiance, marriages to other people (one of whom is a cylon), their own emotional shortcomings, and now the fact that Starbuck is back from the dead and no one knows why. Is the "Starpollo" 'ship doomed to sink? We've only got 19 more episodes to find out, but I still believe, especially after seeing the "Unfinished Business" extended cut on the Season 3 DVD set. They're destined.

5) The "Who in the hell kept them apart for so long?" relationship: Luke & Lorelai (Scott Patterson & Lauren Graham, "The Gilmore Girls")

I absolutely love the final episodes of Season 4, starting with "Luke Can See Her Face." It's the culmination of four seasons of romantic tension, and when they finally kiss on Lorelai's front porch, I challenge anyone not to at least cheer a little. Luke may be the only one that can handle Lorelai's neuroses, but the producers only gave us, like, one season total of the two of them being happy, before Luke inexplicably becomes an asshole in season 6 and then Lorelai inexplicably gets married to Christopher in season 7. Thankfully, she divorces Christopher and sings "I Will Always Love You" to Luke near the end of the final season, and they live happily ever after. Alas, it is in a world in which Lauren Graham does not have an Emmy and William Shatner does.

4) The "So gay it's not gay" relationship: Turk & J.D. (Donald Faison & Zach Braff, "Scrubs")

What can I say? YouTube "Guy Love Scrubs" and you will witness the hands-down best male friendship on primetime TV. College roommates who grew up to work at the same hospital, Turk and J.D. redefine man-crush into man-love. Besides "Guy Love," the best moment in their relationship is when Turk comes home from his honeymoon with Carla, only to have a joyful reunion with J.D. at the hospital.

3) The "For God's sake, just DO IT already" relationship: Mulder & Scully (David Duchovny & Gillian Anderson, "The X-Files")

Ah, the days of X-Files and years of Mulder and Scully not kissing. First there was the forehead kiss in "Momento Mori" that should have been so much more. (She had CANCER, dammit, just kiss already!) Then there was the kiss-that-wasn't in "Fight the Future." Stupid alien-vaccine bee had to go and interrupt the almost kiss. Oh, and let's not forget "Triangle," where Mulder was trapped in the Bermuda Triangle in 1942 and kissed the Scully look-alike, only to wake up on a raft and discover that it wasn't the real Scully. FINALLY, we had "Millennium," where the real Scully and the real Mulder kissed each other on the lips at the stroke of midnight. Then there was "All Things," the did-they-or-didn't-they sleep together episode. It all culminated with "Existence," when Mulder (returned from his abuction experience) and Scully kissed over their weird alien baby. And then Duchovny left the show.

2) The "Wow, married life doesn't look so bad" relationship: Coach & Tami Taylor (Kyle Chandler & Connie Britton, "Friday Night Lights")

On FNL, the adult relationship between Eric & Tami is the heart of all things awesome. They bicker and they tease, but they love each other, and it is beautiful.

1) The "Oh, my God, could they BE any cuter?" relationship: Jim & Pam (John Krasinski & Jenna Fischer, "The Office")

Of course, it had to be them. And I apologize ahead of time for the cheesiness and poor production value of the video I'm about to embed, but no amount of gushing on my part can accurately describe the cuteness that is Jim & Pam. It has to be witnessed. And it's back on my TV tonight!!

Reality Wrap-Up

I goofed tonight and forgot to set the VCR to tape Idol and Dancing with the Stars. A quick look around the Internet tells me that Adam Carolla finally said good-bye on DwtS. And thanks to rickey.org, I was able to listen to the Idol mp3s from tonight's Top 8: Idol Gives Back edition of the show.

Here's what I heard:

Michael Johns performs "Dream On," and I love this song because it plays over the end credits of "Miracle," and I'm always crying inspirational tears while the credits are rolling. But Michaelis no Steven Tyler, and his voice just does not hold up to the higher notes. Meh.

I cannot fathom why someone would choose to sing one of the winning 'Idol' anthems. They are, hands down, some of the worst songs ever written. Yet that is what Syesha Mercado has chosen to sing tonight: Fantasia's winning ballad from S3, "I Believe." For the second week in a row, she has made the most incomprehensible song choice among the Idols. Syesha is over-reaching, I think. Her voice isn't good enough for the songs she's singing.

For the second week in a row, I love Jason Castro's performance. What's wrong with me? He sings the Hawai'ian version of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," complete with ukelele, andit works perfectly for him. He sounds fantastic, so much better than Katherine McPhee's overwrought and over-praised version from S5.

Kristy Lee sings "Anyway." This is the thing about Kristy: she's Kellie Pickler. She's blond, she's cute, and she's a terrible singer who is destined for the Top 6 because she sings country music. Thi performance actually wasn't terrible, I enjoyed it more than anything else she's done.

I had a few weeks in a row where I really liked David Cook's performances, and I was wondering if there was something wrong with me. He comes back this week with "Innocent" by Our Lady Peace, and it is a hot mess. The beginning sucks, the high notes suck, and he only kind of pulls it together for the chorus and bridge near the end. This is the worst I've heard him sing, and I think it was the worst of the night.

Oh, the desperation. Carly sings "The Show Must Go On." Oh, dear. Freddie Mercury you are not. This is such a strange performance: sometimes she's over-singing and it sounds strained, and other times she's not singing enough and gets drowned out by the background singers of doom. She tries to belt the big notes at the end and fails. Maybe THIS was the worst performance of the night. I liked Nicole Kidman's version in "Moulin Rouge" much better.

Is "Angels" the one Robbie Williams song that actually crossed over to America? I can never remember. David Archuleta plays the piano and sings the song. The beginning is rough -- a lot of the notes sound too low for him, but then he hits the chorus, and his voice just soars. This kid. Depending on the suckiness of the songs on his album, I may actually buy it. (Maybe just one or two songs on iTunes)

I was bored just listening to Brooke sing, so I can't imagine what it was like to watch. I thought she was pleasant to listen to. Meh.

Top 3: Jason, David A., Kristy Lee (I know!)

Bottom 3: Brooke, Carly, Syesha

Going home: My head says Brooke, but my heart doesn't want to believe that.

Dancing With the Stars, Week 4

I'm half-paying attention to the NCAA Championship game, but tonight we need to remember what happened five years ago: 81-78. The greatest night of my life.

Moving on to less tear-inducing moments, the fourth week of everyone's favorite ballroom dancing competition showcased some great dancing, some inflated scores, and a comment about swan mating. Here we go:

After going last or next-to-last for the first three weeks, Kristi and Mark lead off the show with a paso doble. Before she even starts to dance, I'm feeling a 10. She's due. For the seond week in a row, they get the award for "Most Bizarre Music Selection." I don't think a techno version of "Blue Monday" by Orgy qualifies as ballroom dancing music. Maybe they're purposely handicapping her with bad music, because that's the only way she can be stopped? The routine is great, as usual. She has a small misstep near the end, but she's still in a class by herself in this competition. I was right: first 10s of the year come from Carrie Ann and Bruno, for a score of 29.

Sweet, the Vietnamese Fighting Waltz! Or Viennese Waltz, as it is known to those who didn't see Season 2 of So You Think You Can Dance. Priscilla and Louis do a fairly quick waltz, and her steps are great, but her upper body is weirdly stiff and the hold just looks off to me. Bruno points out her shoulder/line problem. Carie Ann compliments her facial expressions (...with a straight face) but then goes back to the "lift" nonsense from last year. You can't do a lift in a waltz when Carrie Ann is watching, she will dock you for it. Carrie Ann and Len take a point off for the lift, they're given a score of 22.

Adam and Julianne are doing the paso. He comes out on a unicycle, in full Zorro gear, including mustache, cape, and mask. It's typical Adam: not good, stompy, and Julianne does most of the work in an effort to distract from her terrible partner. After its over, Julianne says, "That was friggin' awesome." I don't know if "awesome" is the word I would use, but OK. Carrie Ann says, "I've never seen one like that before." That's what she said. The judges try not to say he was terrible, but he was. He gets a 19.

Did you know that Marlee was deaf? I know, they haven't mentioned it in the past few seconds, but have no fear, the show reminds you by saying that she has trouble keeping her balance because she's deaf. I didn't get to watch the whole dance, because my VCR crapped out in the middle, but the judges seemed to have liked it for the most part. She gets a 24.

Mario tries to recover from his off week with the paso, which going in, sounds good for him. What is with the music tonight?!?! They're dancing to "Higher Ground" by the Chili Peppers, and again, it's a dancetastic version or something. Bad music aside, I wasn't impressed. Maybe it was because they spent so much of the dance apart, but it seemed disjointed. The judges were impressed, though Len thinks he was out of control a bit. I agree with that -- Mario's a very powerful dancer, and sometimes it becomes too much. He gets a 8, 7, 9 for a 24.

Jason and Edyta give my favorite performance of the year. I had to stop and rewind because I was in awe of how great Jason's hands were. This guy is a football player, but his wrists and hands were better than 75% of the girls on my dance team in high school. He carries himself so well on the dance floor, and he and Edyta really made the dance sensual. They're connecting with each other as the competition goes on, and it's showing on the dance floor. They stumble slightly near the end, but they recover so quickly that it really isn't noticable. Bruno sums it up nicely by saying, "It was like a majestic swan intertwined in a mating ritual." I can't do any better than that. They get a 10, 9, 10 to match Kristi with a 29.

Cristian and Cheryl get the paso. They're both wearing these bizarre pleather outfits with capes. Cristian yells at various points during the routine, but overall, Cheryl is doing most of the work. Bruno says Cristian made the dance "very Latino." Maybe cause...he...is? I think they're overscored with a 9, 8, 9 for a 26.

Disaster alert! Derek was practicing last week for the results show and pulled a muscle in his neck! The ambulance came and it was all very dramatic! Shannon had to practice with Jonathan while Derek had to sit out all week with a brace on his neck! How will they ever recover?!?! The answer is: very well. Derek is back out on the dance floor with Shannon and they put together their best routine of the season. They dance to "Keep Holding On," by Avril, which makes it two weeks in a row that a DwtS couple has done the same dance to the same song that Danny and Anya did on SYTYCD last year. Unlike Marisa's jive last week, Shannon and Derek bring themselves to within shouting distance of the awesomeness that was Danya. Shannon's arms are getting so much better from week to week, and she even pulls off a nice spin on one foot near the end of the dance (which Danny and Anya also did...better). Shannon's totally in my top three favorites, I'm so glad she's getting better. Len thinks it was the best dance of the night. They get a 9, 10, 9 for a score of 28.

Marisa and Tony finish up with a paso doble. Tony is wearing yet another strange outfit, this time black pants and a poofy red cropped jacket. This is definitely the best Marisa has been all year, but it's the first time I've noticed just how short she is and how awkward that looks with Tony. She gets her best score of the year: 24.

Overall, I think the scores were too high tonight, and the scores aren't reflecting the sizeable gap between the top tier (Kristi, Jason, and Shannon) and the next step down (Cristian, Mario, Marlee, and Priscilla).

If I was a betting woman, I would put money on Adam finally going home, but I wouldn't be surprised if Priscilla or Marisa got the boot.

Welcome Back, BSG

Some thoughts I had while watching the season premiere:

Kara's adventures in time-traveling: Moore & Eick and Cuse & Lindelof must be friends. First there was "Heroes" and the discussions of space and time, then there was the magical island where time moves differently, and now there's Kara Thrace's wormhole experience. It actually reminded me a lot of the movie Contact, where Jodi Foster meets the aliens for 16 hours but it was really only a few seconds. I really like that Kara has no clue, but I wonder if she remembers the part Leoben played.

Also, that revelation in "Razor" ("Kara Thrace will lead the human race to its downfall") is looking a lot more important right about now. What happens if they follow her? I still think the series ends with them showing up in present-day Earth's atmosphere, and Bush orders up some nuclear missiles and kills them all. Side note: the question of what time period they'll find Earth in is fascinating to me. Do they arrive before us? Or do they find the remains of our civilization and start over?

Tigh "shooting" Adama: I totally bought it at first. And I loved the way it was shot, with the kind of slow, dream-like quality.

More thoughts later, but I'm off to the Carrier Dome for a full day of lacrosse. Go Cuse!

Tonight, Tonight

"Even if you're skeptical of science fiction, "Battlestar Galactica" will make a true believer out of you. " -- Heather Havrilesky, Slate.com

We are currently six hours away from the final season premiere of Battlestar Galactica. This show is -- now that "The Wire" is no more-- the greatest thing on television, and the first of twenty episodes of its fourth season will start tonight. To celebrate this glorious day, I've been re-watching my favorite episodes from Season 3. The only thing tampering my excitement: there are only ten episodes scheduled as of right now. Due to the strike, Sci Fi is holding the final ten for some unknown airdate. Which sucks, because I do NOT think I can wait another 13 MONTHS for the final ten to air.

If you have not yet seen Battlestar Galactica, don't tune in tonight and expect to understand what's going on. Here is my special three-step process for understanding BSG:

1) Read this. It's the best argument I've ever seen for watching the show, and it's mostly in picture form.

2) Watch the mini-series that preceeded the showIf you're not hooked after that (which is almost impossible), watch '33,' the first episode of season one, and one of the greatest episodes in the entire run of the show.

3) Get to Netflix or your nearest Best Buy, so that you can catch up on the 60 epsisodes that have already aired.

OR: you could read this primer from Slate, which sums up all you need to know before watching the premiere tonight. (5 hours and 45 minutes from now!!!)

Here's a whole bunch of links to read before tonight's premiere:

The LA Times loves Battlestar. And thinks you should watch.

A great interview with Maureen Ryan with BSG co-creator Ron Moore. If you might be tempted by spoilers, avoid this one.

Here's an interview with Apollo himself, Jamie Bamber. (No spoilers)

My favorite TV critic, Tim Goodman of the San Francisco Chronicle, raves about the fourth season, although he gets a lot of the facts about the show's backstory wrong. (Major spoilers, if you have not seen season 3)

Alan Sepinwall gives another rave. Here's another. And another. And yet another.

This doesn't have anything to do with BSG, but two other shows that we watch here at TCB: Hereoes and Chuck will air 13 straight new episodes starting in the fall.

Make sure you're watching: Battlestar Galactica, Season 4, Episode One, "He That Believeth In Me." Tonight at 10p.m. EST on the Sci Fi Channel.

American Idol Results: Nine to Eight

This. is. American. Idol.

Your Top 9 sing Dolly Parton's "9 to 5," and generally do a pretty miserable job of it. Michael Johns is wearing a black shirt with Dolly's face on it. Hee. In other wardrobe news, I kind of noticed this last night, and again tonight: David Archuleta dresses really well. I don't know if he's picking out the outfits, or if his crazy stage-dad is, but he always looks really, really good. And he's 17! Why can't college boys dress that well? Someone forgot to tell my generation that you can actually wear something besides a disgusting baseball hat, a ratty t-shirt, and sweat pants to class. 

After a pointless recap, Michael is summoned to center stage. He's safe. Archuleta is safe. (The shrieking! My ears!) Carly is safe. Good start.

They answer questions from viewers again, which seem a bit more intelligent this week, honestly I'm not really paying attention at this point. We do learn that Jason, Michael, and David Cook are roommates. Does that mean David Archuleta was rooming with Chikezie and David H., and now has a room to himself? That's cool for him. I wonder if the Idols root for their roommates to get voted off so they can have more room to themselves?

Something called the Clark Brothers is performing a country/hoedown version of "This Little Light of Mine." Isn't this a lullaby? Or a church song or something? It's really, really odd.

More results! (That is why we're here, after all.) David Cook is safe. Ramiele is FINALLY in the bottom three. Kristy joins her 10 seconds later. (Side note: I'm happy that Kristy's in the B3, because she's the worst singer left, but really, it just makes me angrier about last week. Did singing "God Bless the U.S.A." REALLY buy her that many votes?? I mean, last week is the only week she escaped the bottom three. It makes me very depressed that so many people were inspired to vote for her, solely due to that insipid song.)

And who doesn't want to see what the Idol has-beens are up to? Let's check in with Bucky (S5), Phil (S6), and Bo (S4). They're all having varying degrees of success in and around Nashville, and they all have albums to promote. Bucky says, "Idol was the smartest thing I've ever did." I bet it was.

Results! Syesha sang Whitney badly, but she's safe. Jason and Brooke are left, and it's SO Brooke in the B3; there's no way Jason's psycho fans didn't vote like crazy after last week's scare. And...it's Brooke.

Dolly comes out to sing about Jesus, and at the end she says "Hallelujah, Simon!" Aw, then she says to Ryan, "I've got Jesus, and you have Simon." And he's all Ryan needs, Dolly. Can she come back every week?

Onto the serious business. Brooke, Kristy, and Ramiele: they're roommates, too. Brooke is very emotional, but she's safe, and we're left with a dream bottom two: Kristy and Ramiele. I win no matter what. Ramiele goes home. Stop crying, you've still got the tour.

Next week: The Top 8 and Idol Gives Back. I know I'm a horrible human being for saying this, but I'm really not all that impressed with IGB. They raised$ 76 million last year, but that seems piddly, especially for a multi-gazillion dollar company. I'm going to try and do some math, so bear with me here: Last I heard, FOX charges $400,000 for a 30-second commercial during Idol. Say the show is 44 minutes long, which leaves 16 minutes for commercials, which equals 32 30-second commercials. 32 times $400,000 is $12.8 million. And they air what, 45 episodes of Idol a year? That's $576 million from just commerical revenue alone.

This is a long way of saying I probably will give the mute button a real workout next week. Maybe it will be Kristy Lee's time. One can only hope.

American Idol, Top 9

Best thing about this week's American Idol: TWO new Mac commercials!

This week is Dolly Parton week, and Dolly herself is there to "help out" the remaining nine contestants. The whole episode is completely rushed for time, which is amusing, considering that every other year they've managed to fit the Top Ten into one hour.

Brooke is up first, and sings with her guitar this week. The song starts out pretty rough, gets better, and finishes awesome. I just love Brooke, I think. Randy thinks she had pitch problems, Simon says it lacked emotion, and the crowd boos. Seriously: shut up, crowd.

I decided this week that since the pre-ordained front-runner hardly ever wins, it's going to be the other David who takes the crown this year. Plus, I think that "America" realizes that it effed up big-time in Season 5 when Daughtry got booted before the finals, and now it's trying to right its wrong with David C. Anyway, tonight, C. gives another solid performance -- with his own arrangement this time. He also got a haircut and grew a beard, which makes him look less doughy and mildly cute. Randy uses the word "false" when he means "falsetto." The judges like the performance.

Ramiele: What does this girl have to do to get kicked off?? Her voice is so thin, and she gets out-sung by the background singers again. I miss Chikezie. Simon deems it "forgettable." Word.

You all know I can't stand Jason Castro, right? Tonight, he sings my favorite Dolly song, "Travelin' Thru." And I LOVE it. The whole stoner vibe just works with this. I mean, I think I'll have to listen again, but that may be one of my favorite performances of the year. Randy thinks it was pretty good; Simon hated it.

Carly sings a very pretty ballad, and she sings it well. I don't know if it was captivating, but it was nice enough. Paula babbles incoherently, and Simon's like, 'God, shut up.' Simon tells Carly to start dressing like a star. Hee.

David Archuleta starts singing, and I get chills within seconds. He is just so good. Paula says he was "glorious." Simon agrees. The crowd agrees. I agree. You can't even hear his numbers over the shrieking.

Kristy Lee is going to do well this week, isn't she? And then we'll have to listen to her for another week after this. Poo. She sings; it's whatever. If she didn't leave after "Eight Days a Week," she's not leaving now. After the judges go 'meh,' Ryan compliments her on her French pedicure. Oh, Ryan. I'm so glad you know these things.

Syesha sings a Dolly/Whitney hybrid of "I Will Always Love You." I have no idea why people sing this song. It is never, ever going to be as good as Whitney. Syesha cheats her way through, and sings Dolly's version for a while, and then she goes for the *bass drum beat* *cymbal crash* "AND IIIIIIIIIIII will ALLLLWAYYYYS LOOOOOOVE YOOOOOUUUUU," and it all falls to pieces. Simon tells her she's not as good as Whitney. Duh.

Michael "I STILL need a haircut" Johns finishes out the night, and I got a phone call, so I didn't hear the whole performance, but Simon liked it a whole lot.

My tastes have been completely at odds with the voting public's so far this year, but here's what I've got:

Top three: David A., David C., Jason

Bottom three: Ramiele, Kristy Lee, Syesha

Going home: Ramiele (Please?)

Photo from rickey.org.

"War on the Floor" Week 3

I can't take credit for that snappy headline, that belongs to Samantha Harris, the dull host. This week, the stars will be performing either a jive or a tango.

The judging seemed very...funny to me this week. Clearly, I'm not enjoying the same performances as the judges, and it's really obvious this week. More on this later.

Marlee is up first with the jive. Her shoulders and feet are a little weird, but the choreography by Fabian is great and almost covers up all of her timing issues. I just enjoy watching her dance. And with Fabian, they just make a great team. The judges aren't as impressed, however, and give her a 21.

Steve does a tango with Anna, but Anna was sick all week, so he practiced with Anna's husband, Jonathan. As Steve says, "he's a little hairier than Anna." On th dance floor, I think Steve gets a bit stompy and flubs the ending. Then he puts a bowl on his head to face the judges. Is this a Police Academy thing? The judges loved him, and somehow give him the same score as Marlee. He was definitely not that good.

I really only need one word to sum up Cristian and Cheryl's jive: manic. Sometimes that's a good thing, like when he controls his footsteps and gets the fast-paced footwork under control. Sometimes it's very, very bad: like the scary smile that's pasted on his face until he starts thinking about the steps, and at the end, when he almost completely loses track of Cheryl. It tread a fine line, and I didn't think he stayed on the good side of the line. Judges go slightly bananas for it, and give him a 25. I'm not feeling it, dawg. (/Wrong reality show.)

Mario. Mmm, tight pants...I've talked about my shallowness before, right? Anyway, this guy commands the dance floor, totally owns it. I thought it was a strong and powerful tango, the judges rip it apart. Len chides him for his posture and his missteps. (Which, what? They were waaaay less noticable than Steve and Cristian's mistakes.) Len gives him a 6, which is lower than the score he's going to give ADAM in a little while, but Mario gets a 21 overall.

Derek and Shannon are doing the jive. Her costume is a wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen, and her hands can get better, but she is really, really growing on me. She's improving every week and working hard. She has to sit down to receieve her critique because she's so winded. The judges mostly love it, and she gets a 24.

Adam does the tango. And obviously, Julianne's choreography is awesome and actually makes him look like a half-decent dancer. However, he's still bad, and the judges seem to lose themselves and give him a 21. Then Adam tells the gays in the wardrobe department to dress Julianne sluttier. Not in those exact words, but close.

I just don't know what to think of Marissa. I feel like she should have come out and really rocked the jive tonight, because what else is Hairspray but one big jive? However, it was boring and lacked content, again. I don't know if this is all her fault, or maybe some of the blame should go to Tony, or maybe the INSANE heels they have her dancing in, but I agree with Carrie Ann. She should be better, and she's not. Plus, Danny and Anya jived to "Girlfriend" on SYTYCD last year, and it was a million times better. Judges give her a 19.

Priscilla tangoes. She's abnormally stiff, and Louis looks like he's forcing her from place to place around the floor, which I know that's OK in a tango, but it just looks wrong here. I'm just meh on her. The judges aren't. They love her. A 26? Really?

Jason! learns how to jive this week. I love how, in their practice montage, he and Edyta seem to be having so much fun, and that it's always the big football player that collapses of tiredness, while the teeny-tiny dancer is still on her feet demanding to do try again. The song is pretty slow, but he does a great job with the footwork and stays light on his feet. Len grumps a bit, but the other two liked it: 23.

Kristi closes, and even before she starts there are two major WTFs: her hair, which is plastered to her face, and Mark's suit, which is bright red. The music begins, and it gets even weirder. The music is this odd techno nonsense, but thankfully the dancing is just good enough to distract from it. I don't think the their tango was as good as their last two, and the judges actually hand out a bit of criticism, but she still ends up with a 27 for the third week in a row.

Bottom three: Adam, Marissa, Steve
Top three: Kristi, Jason, Shannon
Going home: Marissa

Weekend Top Ten: BSG Moments

Allie and I have been insanely busy, so unfortunately we didn't make the usual Tuesday Top Ten this week. But that's OK, because now we can start preparing for a week of Battlestar Galactica coverage heading into its fourth-season premiere on Friday night. Allie and I are both huge fans, so needless to say, it has been a difficult year without Lee, Starbuck, Laura, and Tigh on our TV screens. Like I did for Lost before its long-awaited return, here are my ten favorite BSG moments of all-time. (With help from a couple of BSG-fan friends, Jeremiah and Julie) One thing we noticed is that unlike Lost, which produces tons of great "moments," BSG produces great episodes. For example, any BSG fan can tell you that '33' is one of, if not the best, episode of the series. But it doesn't have any stand-out "moments," it's just a fantastic all-around episode.

Honorable mentions: Death of Pegasus (Exodus, Pt. II), Six snaps the baby's neck on Caprica (Miniseries), "I miss you." "I miss you too." Kara & Lee have a boxing match (Unfinished Business), Lee (almost!) drops his towel (Final Cut) -- Yeah, I'm shallow, and Jamie Bamber is gorgeous. So what?

10) "As of this moment, we are at war." (Miniseries.) The culmination of everything the audience has seen from the opening shots, and the 45-minute build-up to the declaration of war builds tension slowly and carefully all the way to Adama's speech to his ship.

9) Pegasus appears on the dradis. (Pegasus) Another battlestar! More colonials! Before we found out that Cain was a murdering bitch, the sight of another surviving ship lifted everyone's spirits.

8) Opening the Tomb of Athena. (Home, Pt. II) The moment when Kara realizes that they're all standing on Earth, surrounded by what we know as the Zodiac symbols, made everyone -- including Admiral Adama -- believe that they might actually get to earth one day.

7) The Cylons find New Caprica. (Lay Down Your Burdens, Pt. II) This is a season finale to beat all other season finales. But the sight of the centurions marching through rows of colonialists remains my lasting image of the episode. "Fight 'em 'til we can't," says Kara. So say we all.

6) The Blackbird is named Laura. (Flight of the Phoenix) As my (very manly) friend Jeremiah said, this was the moment that even men would cry at.

5) "I'll see you on the other side." (Maelstrom) Kara says good-bye to Lee. And the entire audience says "NOOOOOO!"

4) "All Along the Watchtower." (Crossroads, Pt. II)

3) Boomer shoots Adama. (Kobol's Last Gleaming, Pt. II) We all knew Boomer's programming would kick in eventually, but did it have to right after the successful destruction of the Cylon basestar? I mean, sending us off into the long wait between seasons one and two was very, very cruel when we knew that approximately half of Commander Adama's blood had already been spilt on the table in CIC. Thank the gods the Old Man recovered before Tigh ran the fleet into the ground.

2) "I've been to earth. I know where it is. And I'm going to take us there." (Crossroads, Pt. II) From a personal standpoint, the shrieking started with the reveal of the four cylons, increased when Starbuck appeared, and then crested with the spiral pull-back to our Earth.

1) Galactica jumps into New Caprica's atmosphere. (Exodus, Pt. II) Could it be anything else? Someone on televisionwithoutpity.com called it Adama's "Psychotic Act of Badassery." I think that sums it up perfectly. It also won the BSG team a visual-effects team an Emmy for this episode.

Only six days to go! And The Office is back a week later! I'm so glad my shows are coming back.

Oh, man. HAAAAATE.

There's a lot of hate in me right now. There are four things that I like about American Idol this year: Simon, Chikezie, David A., and Brooke. Trying to figure out if Jason and Paula share drugs is just a bonus.

Tonight, "America" (a.k.a. the "Idol"-voting public) took one of those things away from me. And I am very, very angry at it. But first, let's start from the beginning.

Ryan's getting really into this whole "stool vs. sofa" thing. Chikezie's out first -- Bottom 3. Expected, I guess.

Brooke is safe! Carly talks about her (non)pregnancy, and then Seacrest tells her she's safe. David Archuleta explains last night's stage-bouncing by saying, "I had fun and maybe I got carried away." He is exceedingly adorable and also safe. My ears can't take the high-pitched shrieking.

Ryan heads off any controversy by saying that he spoke to Chris Connell, the artist whose cover of "Billie Jean" David Cook ripped off/performed last night, and Connell loved the performance. Whatever. Anyway, the other David is safe.

Syesha is in the bottom three again. Guess I'm not the only one to find her boring.

Michael Johns is safe.

How does Ramiele keep escaping the bottom three? It boggles the mind. Anyway, she's safe.

Kristy and Jason for the last spot in the B3, and....Kristy is safe. Of course she is. Just...ugh.

Jason is in the B3 for like 5 seconds before Ryan tells him he's safe.

And then...and then, Simon utters the single stupidest line ever said on this television show, and that is saying A LOT. He actually says, "Don't underestimate how smart the people are that watch this show."




Wait for it...




......wait for it......





Excuse me...what? These are the people who elevated Nikki McKibbon into third place in season one over Tamyra Grey. In season two, COREY CLARK was a member of the top 12, thanks to the vote of America. Season three? Your final three: Fantasia Barrino, Diana DeGarmo, and Jasmine Trias. Oh, and John Stevens was in the Top 6. Enough said. Season 4 introduced us to Constantine, the single creepiest man this side of Charles Manson, and Scott Savol made the Top 5. Taylor Hicks won season 5. TAYLOR HICKS. And what did Season 6 contribute to our culture? Oh, you know, just Sanjaya and his ponyhawk.

How exactly do you underestimate the intelligence of the American Idol viewer? Please, enlighten me.

Anyway, Chikezie gets eliminated and it sucks. I hate this show.

Quickie Recap: American Idol Top 10

Trying to get this in right before the elimination show begins...

At work today, one of the women who I always talk about the show with described last night's show as "full of fantastic performances." I was like, "ehhhhh," and she jumped all over me. "What about the rocker?"

"Wellllll...."

"Oh, he was awesome, and Syesha! She was fantastic!"

"Actually, she bores me."

"What?!?!?"

And on it went. I was underwhelmed by AI's Top Ten, and found absolutely nothing worth writing home about, starting with Ramiele. Heart's "Alone?" Are you kidding me? That is Carrie's song, and she's dead before she even begins. She digs her grave deeper by blowing notes, letting the background singers overpower her, and shouting too much.

She was followed by Jason Castro, back with his guitar, and doing the same thing as the two weeks before. John Mayer does this better. Jack Johnson does this better. The annoying guys in my dorm sophomore year did it better. Next!

Syesha does an UNHOLY baby cry during her clip package. Good Lord, that was terrifying. As noted above, I find her deadly broing, even though I think she sang this very well.

Speaking of deadly boring, Chikezie! Lets me down by singing a ballad and totally toning down everything that I love about him. Paula comes out of her drug-induced haze long enough to make an intelligent comment, which is that Chikezie has so many geat textures to his voice. So true, and I just hope he can make it through this week so we can hear more of them.

Brooke returns to her piano for "Every Breath You Take," and puts on a really cool performance. The judges knocked the second half of the song and its arrangement, but I think Brooke has found a niche that she excels in. It's kind of a Vanessa Carlton/Norah Jones-type thing, but I would buy that CD.

Michael Johns (CUT YOUR HAIR) sings a very strange Queen mash-up, and gets all sorts of crazy lighting to go with his ROCK SONG. I put it in caps because he's clearly trying to prove that he can do all sorts of things, and ROCK is one of them. Overall, it's not terrible.

Carly is terrible. She way over-sings "Total Eclipse of the Heart," and I think her trip into the bottom three last week increased her desperation into palpable levels, and it's definitely showing on screen. Yikes.

David Archuleta sings the cheesiest Up-With-People song this side of "We Are the World," and that was a poor choice. He's already cute enough to be a singing stuffed animal, so singing songs about finding your voice and singing out and bopping around while you do so probably don't detract from that image. He sings it well, of course, but still.

Kristy sings "God Bless the U.S.A." Aaaand keeping with the no-profanity rule we have on this blog, that's all I have to say about that.

David Cook sings a rock version of "Billie Jean." I think he does a good job of sticking with his schtick, but how many more weeks until it gets old? I enjoyed it more than most.

Elimination is beginning now. I think Ramiele finally goes, with Kristy and Chikezie joining the bottom three.

Dancing With the Stars, Week 2

The Mambo & The Quickstep

Now that each couple has tackled a Latin dance and a ballroom dance, we're starting to see a real divide between the contenders and the pretenders, with a few couples yet to find a designation.

Pretending: Monica Seles is terrible. She's very nice and all, but she clearly has no natural rhythm and it's painful to watch. The mambo is better than last week's foxtrot, but not by much.

Penn Jillette is terrible and annoying, which might be worse. His quickstep was more clomping than dancing and then he wouldn't shut up when the judges tried to critique him.

Adam Carolla seems to try a bit harder this week, but though I love Julianne's mambo choreography, he's still bad. And then Bruno gives him an 8? Wha?!?!

Contending: Shannon moves into a contender position this week on the strength of her quickstep. Derek is doing a great job with her, and I think she's gaining confidence.

Jason Taylor is fantastic. His mambo is incredible, he's charismatic, and, oh yeah, he's sexy as all get out. The judges go (rightly) nuts for it and he's rewarded with a 27.

Marlee does it again this week, this time with a quickstep. The judges rightly compliment her musicality. She's definitely hanging around for awhile.

Kristi and Mario keep their front-runner statuses, Kristi on the strength of her mambo and Mario with his quickstep. This competition is still Kristi's to lose, in my opinion.

Still deciding: I know Steve Guttenberg isn't the greatest dancer, and his mambo wasn't anything to write home about, but he's so gosh-darn endearing that you almost don't care...almost. He's certainly willing to give his all for every dance and looks like he's having fun doing it, but he's not good.

Cristian and Cheryl's quickstep seemed a bit off, and though he's towards the upper end of the talent pool here, something's missing, and I don't know if he's totally connecting with the audience. I feel very 'wait and see' about him, and I think he's still headed for a middle-round exit.

I know Priscilla did a good job last week, and was pretty good again this week, but seriously, I just cannot get past the whole face thing. When she did that stupid tiger crawl on the floor, I almost peed myself in fright.

Marissa...starts crying when she talks about last week?? And then comes out and does an okay quickstep, but I'm with Carrie Ann, I was hoping for more from her. Also, I was really distrcted by her perma-smile -- maybe relax it every once in a while?

Elimination info will be up shortly: I've still got to sit through American Idol. Blech.

Go "Greek"

The ABC Family original series “Greek” returned tonight, and although I have absolutely no interest in my own college’s Greek system, I am hooked on the dating, drinking, and drama going on at Cyprus-Rhodes University.

It’s a fresh semester at CRU, but each “Greek” is haunted by the events of last semester. Sorority sweetheart, Casey, and her adorably dorky brother, Rusty, both struggle get over their exes. Rusty wallows over an electronic shrine to Jen K., but finally decides to move on after learning she made a very quick move to a new guy. Casey has the world’s most awkward conversation with her ex, Evan, but uncomfortable small talk is the least of her problems.

Casey and the sisters of ZBZ are saddled with an overly perky, hug-friendly sorority liaison, who will report their every move to the national chapter. In an attempt to redeem ZBZ from their public shame and pariah status – Jen K. wrote an article about them last semester that was not flattering – Casey throws a Greek charity carnival and hosts a ZBZ kissing both. But no one is puckering up, and it’s not just because of the Amish-frump outfits the liaison mandated. The ZBZs have been officially shunned.

Cappie, the Kappa Tau president and Casey’s ex, saves the day by rallying his brothers to visit the ZBZ kissing booth. But his knight-in-shining-armor act may not be for Casey – Cappie is currently hooking up with Casey’s nemesis Rebecca Logan. It’s Casey that he smooches at the booth, though, which leads her ex Evan to publicly humiliate her by stripping her of her Queen Bee title.

Sound confusing? It’s tough to keep up with all the hook-ups and break-ups of college Greek life, but this show makes it fun. “Greek” doesn’t take itself too seriously, which makes it a great guilty pleasure show. I have also become invested in the characters. I’m rooting for Casey and Cappie to reunite – their chemistry is undeniable – and Rusty is so endearing that I love watching everything he does. I am looking forward to how this season unfolds.

Photo: TVguide.com

MADNESS!

That's right, the most wonderful time of the year is finally here -- and it has nothing to do with Christmas. Instead, the present that we get is hours upon hours of college basketball. And Gus Johnson, the best play-by-play guy in sports. Yes, it's sad that our beloved Orange aren't in the field of 65, but that won't stop me from skipping class to plop down on my sofa and watching basketball from noon to midnight.

For those, like my fellow blogger, who could care less about Xavier averting an upset this afternoon, there is Lost Madness, which is run by the Washington Post. Their bracket is made up of Lost characters, and they're down to their Final Four. Go here to cast your vote.

In case you missed it, the cast of Battlestar Galactice appeared on Letterman last night to read the Top 10 list. Clearly, the audience didn't have a clue what the hell the show was, but any fan will get a kick out of it:



Back to basketball. Lost recap tomorrow!

Dancing with the Stars Week 1:Women

I forgot to mention this in the other post, but the pro dance to begin the season yesterday deserves to be mentioned. It was awesome. If you can find it on YouTube, I highly recommend it.

So, to the ladies:

Shannon Elizabeth: her legs are crazy long. She's paired with Derek, who I thought really helped Jennie along last year, and Shannon definitely looks like she has potential. Her arms aren't terrible, and she has nice extension sometimes. Like Len (I think it was Len) pointed out, with legs like those, you better what sure your toes are pointed and extended fully. I think the score of 21 out of 30 was fair.

Monica Seles: Aaand maybe Adam Carolla will stick around for more than one week, because Monica was terrible. There were so many things wrong with that performance, I don't know where to begin. I feel bad for Jonathan. The 15 should have been lower.

Marissa Janet Winokour: Well, she certainly has lots of energy. I was really disappointed in the routine, though. I think she has the natural talent, so why would Tony choreograph a routine that didn't show it off? They stayed glued to the same section of the dance floor, possibly because her heels looked about 4 inches tall. She's short, deal with it! And while everyone enjoys a nice pair of sparkly pants from time to time, Tony's may have crossed into the realm of too distracting. The 18 was fair, but hopefully it'll get better

Priscilla: Can't. look. at. face. I'm afraid it'll turn me to stone. From what I saw through my half-closed eyes, she did a pretty good job. The choreography was tough and she dealt wth it very well. I don't know if I would have gone as high as a 24, but not bad. I wonder how well she'll do with some of the quicker numbers.

Kristi: I think we have a winner. Wow. I mean, Mark is a great partner to have, but Kristi just blew everyone else out of the water. Her 27 is the highest first-week total ever. Well-deserved.

Marlee: I actually watched the intro for once because I was so curious as to how she would, you know, hear the music and keep the beat. I really liked the "Fabian is my music" answer -- that makes so much sense when you think about it. And she was good! It even got to my cold, hard heart: I admit I was touched and even a bit inspired by her. Her arms are kind of wild, but of course she'll improve. Her score was a 22.

After the first week of competition, I think Mario and Kristi established themselves as the ones to beat. Next week, they all dance on Monday and the elimination is on Tuesday.

American Idol Season 7: Top 11

Here's how I watch American Idol without wanting to kill myself: I don't watch until the Top 12. I tape the show and then fast-forward through all of the parts that don't involve singing or judging. This way: no recaps, no minimal Seacrest, and no faux-drama in the contestants' clip packages. I like to think this makes it easier to judge on just performances and not on any personality quirks or sympathy twinges.

So here we go with the Top 11.

Amanda Overmeyer is singing "Back in the U.S.S.R." She asks us if we're ready. I think so, or else I wouldn't be watching you. She's really shouty and loud and it's just not working. This is bad, right? After some waffling from Randy and Paula, Simon agress with me, calling it a "mess" and tells her she's getting repetitive.

Kristy Lee Cook should have been forbidden from ever singing again after what she did to "Eight Days a Week" last week. Instead, she narrowly avoided elimination and is back to serenade us with "You've Got to Hide Your Love Away." Sample lyric: "I can see them laugh at me." No kidding. She's bad on the high notes, misses all of the low notes, and boring as heck. Even Paula can only summon up a half-hearted, "Well, at least you look nice!" comment. Simon compares her to "musical wallpaper." I love you, Simon. Shut up, crowd.

David Archuleta has apparently recovered from his memory lapse of last week and is performing "A Long and Winding Road." Ooooh, this was beautiful. His voice is incredible. And he's adorable. Randy says he brought the hotness back. If you say so. Simon tells him he was amazing, and CLAPS. Whoa. David is adorable some more. He's like a boy Polly Pocket!

Aussie Michael Johns sings "Day in the Life." He still hasn't done anything about his weird hair. His performance isn't great, but it's not terrible either. Judges? They were underwhelmed. Simon uses the "mess" designation for the second time tonight.

Brooke White gave my favorite performance from last week, and she's singing "Here Comes the Sun" tonight, dressed in bright yellow. She "woos" in the beginning. And it didn't get better from there. She looked really, really awkward without the piano. The judges kind of rip into her, and she looks really sad. Awww...sympathy votes!

David Cook is singing "Day Tripper" and playing guitar. Let me say this: I think David is a very, very poor man's Chris Daughtry. So it's entirely strange that I loved this performance, even with the Frampton-esque voicebox and the faux-hardcore! poses at the end. I really, really enjoyed that. After waffling from the first two, Simon doesn't think it was all that great. The crowd boos him. Shut up, crowd. Shut up, Paula.

Carly Smithson is singing "Blackbird." This was beautiful. I think it was perfect for her voice. Randy pronouces it"cooliosis." Uh...if you say so, dude. I liked the whole thing...right up until she started talking back to Simon, who didn't like the song. When will the contestants learn?

Jason Castro a.k.a. "The Dirty Hippie," is singing "Michelle." His whole stoner vibe is a take-it-or-leave-it type thing, and I choose to leave it. I don't think his voice is all that strong, he looks frighteningly like a female friend of mine, and he has negligible stage presence. The screaming women in the audience disagree. Simon kind of agrees with me (and that's all that matters), and he tells Jason that the only reason he'll last another week is because some people think he's pretty.

I don't remember Syesha from last week, but now she's singing "Yesterday," accompanied only by one guitarist. It's good, I guess, but it's nothing that's going to make me remember her for next week. Judges are lukewarm-to-positive, with Simon saying he thinks that performance saved her for another week.

Chikezie is singing my favorite Beatles song, "I've Just Seen a Face." I just saw "Across the Universe," and I love Jim Sturgess's version, too. Chikezie, meanwhile, slowed down the whole first part of the song and then midway through kicked it up to a kind of barn-stomping hoedown. Even with the arrangement, I love it. I like his voice, and it's rough and growly and kind of perfect for this song. After waffling from the first two judges, Simon says he didn't like it.

Ramiele (who?) is singing "I Should Have Known Better." Eh. You can hear how thin her voice is, and the wiggling she's substituting for "dancing" is distracting. Simon sums it up nicely, calling it "amateurish."

Top 3: David A., Carly, David C.
Close behind: Chikezie

Bottom 3: Amanda, Kristy Lee, either Jason or Ramiele.

Going home (and not on tour): Kristy Lee

Picture from: http://rickey.org/

The Slacker's Top 5

So, it's about two hours past Top 10 Tuesday and I'm lagging way behind Jenn with my half of this week's Top 10. It's been a crazy day. So crazy that there was no time for TV, which is extremely sad. Also sad is my puny Top 5 list, but without further whining, here are my top 5 reality contenstants:

5) Caridee English, American's Next Top Model, Season 7
4) Harold Dieterle, Top Chef, Season 1
3) Kara Saun, Project Runway, Season 1
2) Kelly Clarkson, American Idol, Season 1
1) Christian Siriano, Project Runway, Season 4 (I know I gave him a tough time on this blog, but I have come to love him)

Dancing with the Stars, Week 1: Men

First of all, damn you ABC for not putting the full episodes of DwtS on your website. I had set my VCR to record, not realizing that the time was still off from "springing ahead" last week, and missed the whole show. And tonight, I'll be at the SU game at the same time American Idol and DwtS are on. What is a blogger to do?

Turn to YouTube, of course. I wasn't very surprised by any of the performances tonight. Adam and Penn were terrible, Steve and Cristian were middling, and Jason and especially Mario seem like they're the guys to beat.

I realize Kym has a lot of experience with dancing around her partner (see: Springer, Jerry and Cuban, Marc) and she showed off that particular talent again last night with Penn, who stomped around the dance floor while Kym tried her best to draw attention away from him. He's justly punished with a score of 16 out of 30.

Jason seemed pretty nervous, but like the judges pointed out, he had great posture in his foxtrot and will probably only get better as the season goes on. Once he loosens up a bit and gets used to the steps, he'll be great. His score of 22 is well-earned.

Cristian and Cheryl were up next, and while his footwork was pretty good, his hunched posture was really distracting. Cristian's also the least well-known contestant, so hopefully he'll hang aound a couple weeks, because it seems like he'll only get better with time. Score: 21.

The producers must be getting back at Julianne for winning twice in a row, because clearly she will not be extending the streak this year with Adam Carolla. He was awful, and his score of 15 reflected that.

Mario was amazing. He clearly has natural rhythm and dance ability, and pretty much established himself as a front-runner. He's rewarded with the highest score of the night, a 24.

Steve Guttenberg is so clearly happy to be here that you kind of ignore the fact that he's not a great dancer. His foxtrot wasn't the greatest, but you know he'll do whatever he can to get better for next week. Score: 18.

Bring on the women! Bring on Mark Ballas and Johnathan Roberts! Recap of the second night will be tomorrow, once I find everything on YouTube again. Also, American Idol Top 11 tonight: will Archuleta recover from his disastrous first week? Will Seacrest annoy the poop out of me? Will I ever learn how to spell Chikezie's name without looking it up first? (Answers: Probably, definitely, and no.) Stay tuned.