Lists: Read 'em and Weep (Or Cheer)

In the last week, there have been two TV-related lists released that (like all lists) provide many topics for argument. First there is the Top 50 TV Comedies of All Time, from AOL. Then, the British magazine Empire took it one step further and named their Top 50 Television Shows of All Time. They both cam to the same conclusion, funnily enough. Empire's list is heavy on the sci-fi, heavily tilted toward shows premiering in the last 15 years, and has a sizable complement of British shows that aren't familiar names.

The Empire list boasts some pretty...interesting choices, most notably "Heroes" at #15. One good season and a half of a crappy season does not a top-15 TV show make. Perhaps displaying some British bias, they include the UK version of "The Office" but not the American version. The Top 10 is fairly solid, however, both "Friends" and "24" beat out "The Wire," (which comes in at #8).

What do you think? I think it's a daunting task to name the best TV shows of all time, especially if you're going to waste a Top 10 spot on a sitcom about the sex lives of vapid 30-somethings. But that's just me.

Eliminations, Beautiful People, and It's Never Too Early for an Emmy Rant

This week, another aspiring pop star/washed-up celebrity faced the long, sad road home without a recording contract/disco ball trophy.

First, Dancing with the Stars said good-bye to Shannon Elizabeth, who lasted much, much longer than any other model/leggy actress before her. She may not have won the trophy, but she did gain a (much younger) boyfriend in her partner, Derek Hough. So what if the relationship dies after three weeks? It was adorable while it lasted. Seriously, though. I really liked Shannon, and though it was clear that she was not going to win, she gave it her all and really improved over the course of her time on DWtS.

Then, last night, American Idol eliminated Brooke White, who had actually gotten progressively worse since her first performance on the show. She hit her high point in Week One with "Let It Be," and went downhill from there. Visibly nervous, she started two songs over and gave many, many shaky performances. But there was still so much to love about her Brooke-ness that you almost didn't mind. I hope she goes on to make lovely, Norah Jones-ish records sitting at her piano.

That leaves us with a fairly solid Top Four, with one glaring exception. Jason Castro is the biggest one-trick pony that ever tricked, and he's sailing through. Next week is the patented BIG SHOCKING ELIMINATION week (See: Grey, Tamyra; London, LaToya; and Daughtry, Chris) so my bet is that Jason and Syesha hang on and one of the Davids goes, clearing the way for the other David to win. We shall see, though. Syesha is verging on Nikki McKibbon territory here, hitting the bottom two every week, but somehow squeaking by. This means she has no fanbase, whereas each of the three remaining men/boys does. Should be a very interesting week...especially because it is "Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame Week" which plays right into David Cook's wheelhouse.

In other news, Jason Taylor, All-Pro linebacker and this week's leader on DWTS, has been named one of People Magazine's Most Beautiful People. Some other familiar faces show up on the issue's preview, including American Idol Carrie Underwood, Comedy Central's Sarah Silverman, Samantha Who? herself, Christina Applegate, Eva Longoria, the entire cast of "Gossip Girl," and a fully-clothed Vanessa Hudgens.

The awards show that absolutely no one cares about, the Daytime Emmys, announced their nominations yesterday. This, of course, got me thinking about the real Emmy nominations, which are announced in just about two and a half months -- July 17th. That date marks "The Wire's" final shot at any significant nominations. They submitted the fifth season premiere "More With Less" and the series finale "-30-" for consideration, but the realist inside me says that if the magnificent fourth season couldn't garner even one cruddy nomination, the somewhat flawed fifth season won't, either. I'm really trying to resign myself to it now, so that I'm only mildly enraged on the morning of the 17th.

I'm two discs and 16 episodes into the first season of "How I Met Your Mother," and I'm pretty much in love with it. Barney is quickly moving up the ranks of my favorite TV characters of all time.

American Idol: only three more weeks of this!

So yeah, I forgot to tape the show. Here are my rankings, based on some video clips and mp3s.

1) Archuleta "America." Hate the song choice, love how he sang it.
2) Syesha "Thank the Lord for the Night Time." So Broadway it hurts.
3) Castro 'Forever in Blue Jeans." Perfect song for him.
4) Brooke "I Am...I Said." Very Brooke. I'm so glad she had one good performance.
5) Syesha "Hello Again." She had a great night tonight.
6) Archuleta "Sweet Caroline." Penalized because it's the Red Sox song.
7) Cook "All I Really Need is You." Parts of it were good, I guess.
8) Cook "I'm Alive." Most of this was not good.
9) Castro "September Morn." More like September Bore.
10) Brooke "I'm a Believer." Ouch. Her voice is definitely not strong enough for this song.

Overall:
1) Syesha
2) Archuleta

(Monstrous Gap)

3) Castro
4) Cook
5)Brooke

Syesha still has no fanbase, but Brooke has been struggling for awhile now. However, it might be time for a shock! bottom three placement, so keep an eye out for one of the David to flirt with disaster and rejuvenate their fanbase before their inevitable showdown in the finals.

Bottom Two: Brooke, Syesha
Going home: Brooke

Like I Need More TV to Watch

Another thing I've done in the last week is start two new TV shows. I'm Netflixing "How I Met Your Mother," I'm through one disc and I'm already in love with it. The main character is Ted Mosby (played by Josh Radnor, a guy who gets cuter every episode), a late twenty-something who is spooked by the engagement of his best friends Lily & Marshall (Alyson Hannigan and Jason Segal) into looking for real love in New York City. Sort of like a funnier, less annoying male Carrie Bradshaw. In the pilot, Ted thinks he's found love with Robin (Cobie Smulders), but it turns out she's not looking for a serious relationship, so she becomes part of Ted's circle of friends. The best part about the show is Neil Patrick Harris as Barney, Ted's other best friend who lives for his next one-night stand. Sample dialouge:

It's gonna be legend-... wait for it... and I hope you're not lactose intolerant because the second half of that word is DAIRY!

We're building an igloo in Central Park! It's going to be legendary! Snow-suit up!

What's that? Self five? Nice! We out!

He's fantastic. My next disc arrives tomorrow, and yes, I will be up until midnight watching all eight episodes.

I also started watching "Mad Men," on AMC. They replayed the pilot episode last Sunday night, and I think I'm really going to enjoy the show. Jon Hamm plays Don Draper, the creative director for a Madison Avenue advertising firm in 1960. The rampant sexism and racism of the time are on full display, but the show hooked me in after about 10 minutes. Plus, John Slattery co-stars as Draper's boss, Roger Sterling. I love Slattery from Sex & the City -- he's the guy that wanted Carrie to pee on him. And it stars a Firefly alum -- Christina Hendricks -- which will always get me to tune in. I fell asleep before the second episode aired (midnight on Sunday), so I'll try to catch up before episode three next Sunday.

Huge Weekly Wrap-Up; The Week In Pictures

Again, apologies for the lack of updates. Tomorrow is my last day of class...ever, so with the exception of studying for finals and trying to find a job, I have nothing to do in the next two weeks. Which is good, because sweeps/finale season is almost here, and we need TV blogs more than ever during that hectic time.

Since the last blog: We said goodbye to Carly, probably unfairly.

Then we said goodbye to Marlee. This one was deserved.

The Office attempted to un-cute Jim & Pam.

They were not successful. (Picture credit to pessimistreader) Also on The Office, we learned that Ryan has a cocaine addiction and Toby is leaving Scranton for Costa Rica. (Season finale title: "Good Bye, Toby") Also, here is an amazing countdown of the best Jim & Pam moments in the history of The Office. Oh, the memories.

This list of "Jump the Shark" moments was released. I could not agree more with the entries for Idol, Grey's Anatomy, and Heroes. Sanjaya was the jumping point for Idol. The fact that the judges put him in the top 24 was inexcusable. Grey's...I can't say anything that hasn't been said, but killing Denny (even though that's not the jumping point the writer uses) sent the show into unecessary melodrama, which culminated with the unfortunate Gizzy experiment, and apparently, they're still trying to drag on the business with Alex and Jane Doe. Seriously? Does anyone actually want them together? They had something with Alex and Izzie, or even Alex and Addison, and they blew it. I could rant for days about Grey's, though, so I'll move on.

The Heroes moment that Matthew Gilbert chooses (the first season finale), is the most obvious example I've seen of a show being unable to deliver on its premise. These are people with superpowers, and for the bulk of the finale, they are standing around, not using them. All season, they had built up to a super battle between Peter and Sylar, and it lasted approximately 15 seconds. I think I could actally hear the whoosh of disappointed sighs as the episode ended. To make matters worse, two days later, the Lost season 3 finale (a.k.a. the greatest episode ever) aired, and the difference in quality between the "grown-up" twisty sci-fi show and its spawn had never been more pronounced. You can trace Heroes' disappointing second season right back to its season one finale. Here's hoping that their new concentration on villans (bring Kensei back, you fools! He was the best thing about the second season!) will breathe new life into the show next fall.

In "better late than never" news, after four years of crappy sports teams, we Orange seniors finally have two sports teams we can feel good about: All hail the mighty power of Syracuse lacrosse. Yes, Katie Rowan is The Boss Of Everything. Just accept it now.

American Idol: Your Top 6

Here we are, halfway home. A few things before we begin this week: one, the theme is "The songs of Andrew Lloyd Webber," and beyond Phantom, which I've seen twice, I couldn't name you another ALW song, except the famous one from "Cats." Two, they have seriously overloaded the stage with band members this week. The contestants have about three square feet to work with. Three, each contestant is only singing one song, which means they have plenty of time to fill and each should be allowed to sing more than just 90 seconds of the song.

Syesha is up first, and she sings "One Rock and Roll too Many" from a musical that is not Phantom. She handles the space issue by starting out the song on top of a piano. I think the beginning is lovely and seems to fit her voice, but as the song goes on, it really exposes again how weak her voice is, which was her problem in the early weeks. And then she starts yelling, and it is a lot off pitch. That went downhill fast. Randy thinks it was her best performance yet. Whaaaa? Randy, this was the perfect time to use "pitchy!" Even Simon was swayed. The yelling? And the pitchiness? The weak voice? Ehhhh, I'm not buying it. I think the over-praise is in reponse to the article this week pointing out what we already knew: singing first is the kiss of death in some rounds. They over-compensated for what was a mediocre performance.

I recognize this song! This is the famous Cats song, "Memory." Jason didn't know that a cat sang the song in the musical, despite its title. Give him a break...when this was taped he was probably gearing up for 4/20. Anyway, I think this has "disaster" written all over it. He is totally not cut out for this song, it is way too big for his voice. There are some really good parts and some really, really awful parts. Randy uses the word "trainwreck." This was such a poor song choice. Paula...is an idiot. I quote: "It was really wise of you to choose this choice. It really identifies your unique being as an artist." Simon goes the "child at a wedding" route, and the crowd doesn't even boo all that much. Meh.

Brooke is singing "You Must Love Me" from Evita. It looks like ALW gives her some solid advice for the performance. She's without a piano this week, and she stops and starts over one line into the song. There's a terrible 3 second pause -- that has never really happened on Idol before, before she starts up again. I'm torn with Brooke now. I think she's working herself into a mental panic before every performance, and it's showing, but when she can settle down and give a full performance, she's great. The crowd and judges are kind of stunned, even Paula has to grasp for words. Simon seems to realize what a fragile emotional state she's in, and keeps the criticism to "I think you'll be disappointed in yourself." If she's voted out tomorrow I would really hate for her sing-out to be to "You Must Love Me."

David A. is up next. "Think of Me!" I love this song. ALW doesn't know how a boy can sing this song meant for a diva. David has altered the arrangement of the song, and vows to work on keeping his eyes open during his performance. You know, I never thought about that. Maybe that's why most of the time I fawn over his voice, but the performance leaves me strangely cold. The change of arrangement is a little off-putting, but the singing is incredible as usual. His eyes were open most of the time, too. Randy proclaims him "the one to beat." Paula deems it "perfect." Simon says it was one of his weaker performances. Hmmm, I think this is Simon's reverse psychology at work here. Yes, I buy into the theory that Simon is a manipulative bastard, and this is his wake-up call to David's legions of teenybopper fans. You may have a different take on it, of course.

Ugh, they put David C. in the pimp spot. I swear, if he wins...

Anyway, Carly is next and she is singing "Jesus Christ Superstar." I want Carly to be better than she is. I mostly enjoyed her performance, but she veers dangerously into shouting territory on some of the bigger notes. I thought it showed a lot of her personality, and while she's still treading the line between having fun and utter desperation, I think this came down just on the good sign of the line. Judges? Liked it, with Simon proclaiming it one of his favorites of the night.

David C. is singing "Music of the Night" from Phantom, which sounds like a great choice for him. ALW isn't convinced, only saying "maybe it will work." David has a great voice, which is why I don't understand all of the nonsense he puts into his other performances. I mean, WOW, this is fantastic, if you just listen to it. Randy says it was a "molten hot lava bomb." Does the Pentagon make those? Simon wants him back in his RAWK box. Noooooo, that ruins him!! Don't listen to him, David! If I were a contestant, I would hate the advice from the judges. Make the song your own, but don't step outside the pre-made box we place you in. God.

Rankings:

David C.
David A.
Carly
Syesha
Brooke
Jason

I forget if they do bottom three tomorrow. If they do, I'm thinking Brooke, Jason, and Syesha. Brooke is going home, as much as I'd like Jason to go after that mess of a performance.

Dancing with the Stars, Week 7

Jason is doing the cha cha. In practice, Edyta decides Jason needs to be more comfortable dancing on his own, so she takes him to a freestyle dance class. He is easily a foot talle than everyone else in the class, but he does well, becuase he has a natural rhythm about him. I love their routine, as usual. His footwork is great, and his arms are good most of the time. He does much better on his than anyone else in this competition except Kristi, so it'll be interesting to see how everyone handles that. Len notes that she went a bit off-tempo, as does Bruno, Carrie Anne critiques the bit of awkwardness in his arms. He gets a bit lower than usual with a 8,8,8 for a 24.

Shannon and Derek are totally dating. And wow, they're not really trying to hide it either. Derek brings her flowers, they go to the beach and Derek dances with his shirt off and they roll around in the sand together. They're dancing the rhumba, hence the romantic set-up. I think Shannon does a great job with the dance. Her lines are getting a lot better, Derek is choreographing to her strengths, and they have genuine chemistry on the dance floor. I don't think it was her best, but she's improving so much each week that it almost doesn't matter. Bruno says that they were "sizzling," but tells her to work on to footsteps. Carrie Anne tells her to work harder, but praises her work ethic. I always feel so bad when Shannon gets a negative critique, because she takes it so hard.

Before their scores, Tom tells us that they will be celebrating their 100th show in 2 weeks, and it will included performances by Mel & Maks, Mario Lopez, and Apolo and Julianne!! Yay Apolo! Shannon's scores are 8s across the board, to tie them with Jason with a 24.

Marlee had a tough week last week. She and Fabian are learning the mambo, which is Fabian's favorite. Then the Fonz shows up to tell her how great her spirit is. She looks fantastic, but again, I think she missed a couple things, or stepped off of the beat at some point. Carrie Anne was a bit disappointed. Len tells her she is an insporation, and then tells her it was uncomfortable. Same with Bruno. They're disguising their critiques around praise for being deaf. She gets straight 7s for a 21.

Cristian and Cheryl are foxtrotting. They look fantastic in shades of pink, but the dance is not good. Cristian is concentrating too hard on the counting, and then when he stops doing that, he's missing steps. Cheryl does her best, but this is not one of their better ones.

Band! The lady is in orange spandex and a gold headdress this week. Len tells Cristian this was his best dance, and then threatens to "show his bum in the supermarket" if Cristian is in the bottom two this week. Bruno (and I) choose not to think about that, but unlike me, praises the dance. I really didn't think it was that good, especially the footwork, which both Bruno and Carrie Anne loved. Before the break, they show us a preview of the group country dance coming up tonight. It looks like absolute mayhem. I can't wait! After the break, Cristian gets three 9s for a 27. Boo. It was not better than Jason's dance.

Marissa is next, and she's doing the Viennese Waltz. They seem to have a great time together. During the dance (which I enjoyed very much), I finally realized why all of her dances looks so odd, which was probably very obvious to everyone else from, like, Week One. Her legs are so much shorter than his, so all of the strides he's taking are just too big for her, which I think accounts for the fact that a few times in this dance, it looks like she's running to keep up. They miss one hold, and their ending is very complicated and kind of wobbly, but overall I liked it. It also looked like the wardrobe department figured out how to dress Marissa, because she's wearing a dress that doesn't make her look like a tree stump. Aww, she and Tony are so excited. All three judges praise her, and she gets a 9,8,9 for a 26.

Kristi hung out with Tiger Woods this week. Yeah, I guess that's cool. She and Mark are doing a jive. They try to play up the fact that Kristi has club feet as a child to make it seem like she has a weakness. I don't buy it, ABC! She won Olympic gold on those feet, I think she can handle the disco ball trophy. They do an adorable jive and while Mark does more of the work than usual this week, they were fantastic. Carrie Anne gives them a standing O before they get to the critiques. She says it was her favorite dance this season so far. Len calls it a buffet and a "tasty smorgasboard of dance." Great word usage there. Bruno raves. I'm feeling a perfect score. And there it is. A 30. Mark lifts Kristi into the air, but stupid Samantha has to pull her down. They were just having fun!

Paula Abdul is there. I'm thinking she could be a potential contestant next year, if her other gig keeps losing viewers.

Mario thinks he can go head-to-head with Kristi. Not if she keeps dancing like that, you can't. He and Karina are doing the rhumba this week. They are dancing to, no joke, "Let's Get it On." I wonder how the other Mario (Lopez, and Karina's boyfriend) feels about this. Karina is wearing red underwear and what looks like half of a white sheet. Also, this is very uncomfortable, but let's just say that with his tight pants...you can clearly tell which way Mario dresses. And we'll leave it at that. The dance is almost unwatchably sexy. The crowd loves this one. Len, however, calls Karina a strumpet and Mario a gigolo. Oh, Len. Stop being old. Bruno puts us back on track by calling it "fabulous." Carrie says it was better than good sex. I could not make this shit up. Wow. They get a 9,9,10 (their first of the competition) for a 28.

But wait! We still have the rodeo-themed group dance yet to go! A personal theory of mine: most everyone looks hotter in a cowboy hat. The stars all prove it in this montage. Kristi is elected head of the sheriffs and Jason the head of the outlaws. He tells her that the town ain't big enough for the both of them. Kristi tries to stand up to him, but sadly for her, he just picks her up and throws her over his shoulder. Later on, he picks up Derek and fake-smashes him into the bar. This looks like so much fun. This dance is the funniest thing I've seen this week. For one, it is to "Cotton-Eyed Joe." Two, it's total chaos. Shannon flips Derek, Mark & Kristi do a lift I think I've seen in figure skating pairs competition, and they all do cartwheels. Jason rocks my socks, and he and Edyta do an incredible no-hands lift. I'll try to find it on YouTube, because it needs to be seen. Tomorrow someone has to go home, though. And it's getting hard to choose.

Top 3: Kristi, Mario, and Marissa

Bottom 2: Marlee and Cristian

Going home: I have no idea. I don't think Cristian has a fan base, but then Len had to go and make his threat. Marlee's too inspirational, so maybe Shannon?? I hope not.

Reality TV Sucks

Duh. Everyone knows it. Except my television professor, the renowned Robert Thompson, who made the case today in class that it should be upgraded from "guilty pleasure" to simply "pleasure."

I still maintain that reality TV is crap, and insultingly stupid crap at that. In class tonight, we watched a 30 minute "greatest hits" reality TV mix, including the final council from the first "Survivor," the reveal of Kelly Clarkson as the first American Idol, and clips from everything ranging from "Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?" to "Temptation Island" to "Big Brother." After those thirty minutes, I was ashamed of my gender and of my species. This is what evolution and the women's rights movement has brought us to: 20 women parading around onstage in bathing suits for the pleasure of a "multi-millionaire," to determine if they are worthy of marriage.

Some highlights:

From "Who Want to Marry a Multi-Millionaire": Apparently the guy that FOX chose was a huge creep who had a restraining order brought against him by a former girlfriend. So once the scandal broke, he did an interview on NBC's "Dateline." The most offensive bit went something like this:

NBC Man: "Ten women parading around in swimsuits? That's pretty much just a male fantasy, isn't it?"

Sleazeball millionaire: "Well, technically it was 'beachwear.' They could have worn shorts and a t-shirt."

NBC Man: "Would they have won if they wore shorts and a t-shirt?"

Sleazeball millionaire: "Give me a break, man. I am marrying this woman, after all!"

Classy.

From "Bachelorettes in Alaska": The premise was that these single women went to Alaska to find love, because men outnumber women 5-to-1 in Alaska. Here are some paraphrased quotes from the introduction: (Both said by the bachelorettes)

"Gosh, I can't imagine anything worse than being 35 or 40 and being unmarried!"

"I just want to be a baby machine."

My God, seriously? You can't imagine anything...not anything worse than being 35 and unmarried? This is why the rest of the world hates Americans.

Then there was "Joe Millionaire" and the reactions of the women to seeing the castle. "I always wanted to live in a castle!" "This is what every girl dreams of!"

"Paradise Hotel's" tagline: "Hook up or go home."

"Are You Hot?" These people actually had the gall to claim that "dreams will be realized!" in its intro. The dream to be objectified on national television?

Plus, there was the moral mess that was "Extreme Makeover," and all of the shows where women compete for the affections of men. Especially those shows on VH1 and MTV, where the men are old and ugly -- why would a woman degrade herself for that? Is being on a fourth-rate reality show really worth it?

All this is a long way of saying that reality TV celebrates the worst in humanity. I am routinely disgusted to find that people still tune in to things like "American Gladiators," "The Flava of Love 7," and "Big Brother." Hell, even "The Real World," which was unwatchable after the Las Vegas season. I mean, 7 million people tune in to watch Tila Tequila choose her mate and not even 2 million can be bothered to watch the series finale of arguably the greatest show ever? I lose faith in humanity pretty quickly.

Yeah, reality TV sucks.

Weekend Wrap-Up

The home stretch to finals and graduation is kicking my butt, so I apologize for the dearth of updates. There were some exciting developments in both "The Office" and "Battlestar Galactica" over this long weekend, and they of course need to be talked about.

First and foremost, we know Jim has an engagement ring for Pam. A RING! And he bought it within a week of his & Pam's first date. And this is why every 'Office'-watching woman I know is in love with Jim Halpert. He is the perfect boyfriend. The whole "Pam...will you wait for me while I tie my shoe?" was hilarious. I really hope this becomes a running gag for the rest of the season. Until the finale, when he actually proposes, of course. Which will be in some fantastic, totally Jim way.

Also, is this really the end of Michael & Jan? He seems to want to move on. But I wonder if he's kicked her out of his condo yet -- is he living with Dwight? Inquiring minds want to know.

"Oscar Meyer Weiner Lover." Too good to go without a mention.

Poor Kevin. First Stacy breaks up with him, then he has to endure the long walk to the Scranton business park each morning. I'm glad he "won one." It was great to see more of him this week anyway, after he got pushed to the side for the dinner party last week. But when will we get more Stanley?

Nice to get a line from Creed this week. Can't wait to see what happens when he gets his three chairs.

And, in everyone's favorite sci-fi epic, a not-so-favorite character bites it, a Cylon unleashes her dark side, and a really cute baby almost gets airlocked. Oh, and Starbuck is probably crazy.

Kara and her skeleton crew (Gaeta, Seelix, Anders, and the Fighting Agathons) are drifting somewhat aimlessly through space while she sorts through star charts and paints pictures of the sky on her walls. I thought the butterflies in her stomach were telling her where to go -- are they out of commission now? Anyway, she and Sam have some kind of love/hate-filled tryst aboard the Demetrius, and Kara tells Sam that she only married him because it (he) was easy and safe. We knew that already, Kara. Sam thinks Kara is another Cylon. That's probably going to end poorly for him.

Zarek is back, and he's manipulating Lee, I think. At the very least, he's trying to undermine Laura again by telling Lee how much she is amassing power and using secretive means to do so. So Lee does Zarek's bidding and tells the Quorum and the press about some document she was planning to keep secret. I really the writers don't turn Lee into Zarek's unwitting puppet. Seriously? We just went through that with Lampkin last season, and Lee is an intelligent man, so let's not make him look stupid again, kay?

The Cylon civil war continues, this time with the Cavils playing like they want peace with the Sixes, Twos, and Eights but then destroying their basestars without a Resurrection Ship in range. Yeah. It sucks. Also, Boomer and Cavil are an item. Ew.

Cally has been seeing everything through a fish-eye lens, if the camera focus on her this week was to be believed. She's also been going slightly crazy, what with her constantly crying child and imagining an affair between the Chief and Tory. She sneaks into the wall where the Four (minus Anders) have a conversation about being Cylons. Hearing that her husband is a Cylon doesn't sit well with Cally, to put it mildly. She beats the crap out of Chief with a wrench and then attempts to airlock herself and her Cybrid child, Nicky. She's interrupted by Tory, who has taken a turn to the dark side, but she's eerily calm and composed about it. She talks Cally into handing over Nicky and then bitch-slaps her halfway across the airlock chamber. Some newfound Cylon strength, perhaps? And then Tory sends Cally out the airlock. The End. Only 17 to go.

For lighter fare, I should have the Dancing with the Stars recap up tonight, and I just taped a re-run of the first episode of "Mad Men" on AMC, so I'm way excited to watch that tonight, too.

Wednesday's Top Twelve: Shows I Should Watch

There aren't enough hours in the day for all of the television I want to watch. Which is why God invented Netflix. But on a college student's budget, one-at-a-time unlimited isn't the best way to watch seven seasons of the West Wing. But someday, perhaps when I have a job that only requires a four-hour workday, I will catch up on these 12 shows:

12) The West Wing (7 seasons, 155 episodes)
11) Rome (2 seasons, 22 episodes)
10) Buffy the Vampire Slayer (7 seasons, 145 episodes) This is inexcusable, especially considering that I'm sharing a blog with the biggest Buffy fan of them all. I love Joss, and I love James Marsters, so I'm sure I'll get around to this...someday.
9) Bones (2+ seasons, ongoing) What can I say, I'm a sucker for a good unrequited love story.
8) 30 Rock (1+ seasons, ongoing) It's on right before The Office and Scrubs, so it just makes sense to watch. And I'm tired of getting mad at Alec Baldwin for taking away Steve Carell's awards without giving him a fair look.
7) Deadwood (3 seasons, 36 episodes) I only got HBO last year, so I have to play catch-up.
6) Felicity (4 seasons, 84 episodes) I can't call myself a full member of the cult of J.J. until I watch his first TV series.
5) Weeds (3 seasons, 37 episodes) The first season is actually in my Netflix queue. I'll get there eventually.
4) How I Met Your Mother (3+ seasons, ongoing) I'm tired of hearing about Robin Sparkles and not knowing who she is. Also in the Netflix queue.
3) Mad Men (1 season, 13 episodes) Yeah, as soon as AMC hurries up and actually releases it on DVD. I'm WAITING!
2) The Sopranos (6 seasons, 86 episodes) Again, I'm way behind the HBO curve. I'll get there.
1) Veronica Mars (3 seasons, 64 episodes) I really should have tuned in earlier, but at least I saved my self the heartache of the "cancelled/not cancelled/skipping ahead 5 years/switching networks/sill cancelled" game.

There we go! By my rough math, I have 45 seasons, 811 episodes, and right around 770 hours of television to watch.

American Idol: The Lucky Six?

It's kind of pointless to do the recap of last night now that we know Kristy is FINALLY leaving. Suffice it to say that I thought a night devoted to Mariah Carey songs would go much worse than it did. No one was terrible, and I thought the Davids, at least, gave better-than-average performances. Now that we have our Top Six, we can take a step back and compare them to other Idol seasons. It's kind of a big deal, making the Top Six on American Idol: we're halfway home and by this point, most of the fat has been trimmed.

Season 1: Christina Christian, RJ Helton, Tamyra Grey, Nikki McKibbon, Justin Guarini, and Kelly Clarkson.

Season 2: Carmen Rasmussen, Trenyce, Josh Gracin, Kimberley Locke, Clay Aiken, and Ruben Studdard

Season 3: John Stevens, George Huff, LaToya London, Jasmine Trias, Diana DeGarmo, and Fantasia.

Season 4: Constantine, Scott Savol, Anthony Federov, Vonzell Solomon, Bo Bice, and Carrie Underwood

Season 5: Kellie Pickler, Paris Bennett, Chris Daughtry, Elliott Yamin, Kat McPhee, and Taylor Hicks

Season 6: Phil Stacey, Chris Richardson, LaKisha Jones, Melinda Doolittle, Blake Lewis, and Jordin Sparks

And now Season 7 has left us: Syesha, Brooke, Jason, Carly, David C., and David A.

If anything, the Top Sixes are getting better as we go. In each of the first five seasons, there was at least one terrible, how-in-the-hell-did-they-last-this-long singer that brought the rest of the group down: Nikki in 1, Carmen and Josh in 2, John and Jasmine in 3, Constantine and Scott in 4, Kellie (and I would argue Taylor, but I know that's not a popular opinion) in 5. While 6 and 7 may have uninteresting singers (Phil, Syesha) or singers that some may find offensive to their tastes (Blake, Jason, David C.), I don't think either season has given us a patently untalented Top Six member.

Of course, having a lack of bad singers can't be the only measure of how good the Top Six are. How many seasons have given us great performances once we reached the Top Six? Season 1 gave us Big Band Night and Kelly Clarkson setting the standard for all other Idol performances with "Stuff Like That There." The week after, Tamyra sang "A House is Not a Home," and in the semifinal week, Kelly sang "Without You." So there were three in Season 1, from two different contestants.

Season 2's Top Six night was Diane Warren night, which flopped miserably, but their Top Five night ranks among the series' best. Treynce sang "Proud Mary" and "Love Will Keep Us Together," her two best performances. Clay had a stellar night with "Build Me Up Buttercup" and "Solitaire," and Kim Locke continued her hot streak with "Where the Boys Are." Next week, Clay had "To Love Somebody" and Ruben sang "Night on Broadway," which was his best since "A Whole New World." Top Three had Kim Locke's "Inseperable," and the finale had the second-greatest Idol performance of all time, Clay's "Bridge Over Troubled Water." So Season 2 had nine stellar performances in the Top Six, from four different singer.

Season 3 was awful. Top Six night was the ill-fated Gloria Estefan Night, which featured John Stevens "singing" "Music of My Heart." Really, the only three standout numbers from the second half of that season are LaToya's "Don't Rain on My Parade" from Top Five night, Diana's "Enough is Enough" on Disco/Top Four night, and Fantasia's final performance of "I Believe," which, despite the cruddy lyrics, reaches the upper tier of Idol performances on sheer emotion.

Season 4: I can't remember Season 4. I know I watched it, but it's like a haze is blocking out Idol from that year. I remember Bo's a capella to "In a Dream," I remember Carrie's "Independence Day" and Bo's "Vehicle" from the finale, but that's about it. Maybe there were only three standouts from Season 4 as well.

Season 5: I freely admit that I am a biased observer, and I think it really comes out on Idol when I have a favorite, as I did in Season 5 with Elliott. But as unbiased as I can be, I think 5's Top Six had seven great performances. Taylor's "In The Ghetto" in the Top Four, Kat's "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" on Top Three, Elliott's "A Song for You," "Home," and "Trouble," and Daughtry's "I Dare You" and "Suspicious Minds." If I were to indulge my Elliott-bias more, I would include his final song, "I Believe to My Soul." So there were either seven or eight standouts from 5, depending on how much you liked Elliott.

Season 6: I think this group's Top Six night, with the Bon Jovi theme, was the strongest Top Six night of them all. Three of S6's six standout numbers come from that night alone. Blake's "You Give Love a Bad Name," Melinda's "Have a Nice Day," LaKisha's "This Ain't a Love Song" -- I still listen to those songs on my iPod. I also include Jordin's "Broken Wing" from the finale, Blake's "When I Get You Alone," and Melinda's "Nutbush City Limits."

So maybe Season 2 still holds up as the best year for Idol, but I think Season 5 makes a good run at it. I don't exactly have high hopes for this year's crew, but I guess we'll see in the next month and a half. Right now, barring another huge shocking upset on Top Four night, I think we're headed straight for an all-David finale, with Archuleta squeaking out the win.

Dancing with the Stars, Week 5

It's Latin Week! I spent the whole episode looking forward to Jason's performance, and debating whether or not I would rather have him do a rhumba or a samba. Hmmm, maybe I've picked a favorite.

Mario is up first, and he and Karina will be performing a samba. Instead of devoting every spare second to practicing, he goes to hang out with "his good friend" Stevie Wonder. Stevie's not going to help you with your posture, is he, Mario? They're dancing to "A Tisket, A Tasket." For a samba? Really? Mario looks more comfortable than he has sincce week one, but I still don't think he's getting any better. He's just trying to get back to as good as he was that first week. His "hip action" is great and he moves with a lot of confidence in the samba, though.

When they're done, Tom reminds us about the band. Why does that one woman always wear a headdress and spandex? Is that the next new fashion thing that I'll have to ignore, a la stretch pants and giant sunglasses?

Anyway, the judges loved Mario's samba. Len tells him to watch his feet. Mario gets a 9,9,9 for a total of 27.

Priscilla is next, and she and Louis will be performing a rhumba. She has chosen to wear an odd, sparkly shawl that makes her look 20 pounds heavier than she is. I think this was her weakest performance. She does a very impressive split in the beginning--how many 60-year-old women do you know that can do that? But her hands are bad, and their final hold is really, really shaky. Len rips it apart. 7,7,7 for 21 total. Even with the low score, I wouldn't count her out yet. The old-lady vote can be pretty potent. (See: Osmond, Marie)

Marissa and Tony will be performing the samba. What is it with Tony's shirts this year? For weeks now, he's had the most bizarre fashion choices. Maybe he's trying to distract from the fact that his partner is not very good, even though I think this is their strongest performance yet. It still has the same problems as some of their earlier dances: it's too slow, and there are too many hip-hop moves. The judges give moderate praise, and give her three eights for a 24.

Cristian and Cheryl will be performing the rhumba. In practice, Cheryl criticizes Cristian for not being manly enough, and then sticks him in a pink satin shirt. Here's the thing about rhumba: it's a slow dance, so I can never tell how much movement around the floor is a good amount. Because it looks like Cristian is just standing there while Cheryl spins around him. Len calls it "very competent." The judges are tougher this week than they've been, probably because the scores were so high last week. Carrie Anne says they weren't "erotic" enough. Can you say that in the 8 o'clock hour? They get a 7,8,8 for a 23. And going back to his dance after watching Jason's, Cristian's was like being served broccoli when you were expecting chocolate. (Not good.)

Marlee and Fabian dance the samba, and for the first time, you can see how Marlee not being able to hear really affects their dance. She stumbles a bit and gets off the beat a couple times -- maybe because the samba is so rhythm-dependent. Her "hip action" isn't great, and their hold is a bit off. The judges all carefully critique her, by which I mean they all say she's so "inspirational," and then they tell her what she did wrong. She gets a 7,7,8 for a 22.

Kristi has had two kids! And she looks like that! Wow. She and Mark will be dancing the rhumba, which Kristi says she's a bit nervous about because it's such a sensual dance and she's married and a mommy. She calls Mark a "hot young thing." Sing it, sister. He can even make the lavender outfit he's wearing look good. I can't even take notes when I watch Kristi. It was amazing and beautiful. The judges agree, and she gets a 9,10,10 for a 29.

Shannon and Derek had to suffer through another health scare this week, when Derek comes down with food poisoning on Monday morning. He's well enough to dance their samba. Going into it, you kind of knew Shannon wasn't going to do well with the hip rolls and Latin beat of the samba, and while there are some nice moments, the dance as a whole is a definite step down from last week. Carrie Anne makes a great point, though: she really went for it. Shannon's scores are 8,8,7 for a 23.

Finally! Jason and Edyta are doing the rhumba, and it's going to be amazing. During the dance, my notes are just a bunch of exclamation points: his hips! his hands! he's so graceful! How can this guy be a football player?! Maybe Kristi doesn't have this thing so wrapped up, after all. I really think that if Jason keeps getting better, we'll have a real battle on our hands. He gets three nines for a 27.

Top Three: Kristi, Jason, Mario
Bottom Three: Marlee, Priscilla, Cristian
If I had to guess: Priscilla hangs on for another week, Cristian goes home.

Links n' Things

A few links for your Tuesday evening...I'm still not used to the sun being out as I sit down to watch TV after class.

The Nashville City Hall staff is still mourning the end of "The Wire." Who isn't?

Another article on why FNL is awesome, even while a lot of sport-themed shows are not.

Stephen Colbert is in Philly this week to cover the final week before the Pennsylvania primary. Mrs. Obama will be his guest tonight.

Tim Goodman wrote this interesting article about being a TV comedy snob. The thinking goes that if you watch NBC's Thursday-night bloc of half-hour comedies, ("My Name is Earl," "30 Rock," "The Office," and "Scrubs") you won't be watching when CBS debuts an all-new line-up of its half-hour comedies tonight. ("The Big Bang Theory," "How I Met Your Mother," "Two and a Half Men," and "The Rules of Engagement) It's an interesting theory, and one that hits home with me, right down to the part about mourning "Arrested Development." I won't be watching CBS tonight, and with the exception of "How I Met Your Mother," I have no desire to watch any of those shows. I freely admit to being a TV elitist, though, so my opinion probably doesn't mean much. Thoughts?

A-FRAKKING-MAZING

Battlestar Galactica: Season 4, Episode 2. "Six of One"

I love this show. I loved this episode of this show.

I loved that Roslin actually shot at Kara...and when she missed, her bullet landed directly in the middle of a picture of her and Bill.

I loved the scene between the Admiral and Kara in the brig. He can be so terrifying (a la "Torn," but he clearly loves her still).

I loved "We're going the wrong waaaaay!"

I love Katee Sackhoff, probably more than is healthy.

I LOVED HeadGaius. The conversation between real Gaius and the Gaius in his head was priceless. I think I prefer two Baltars to one. But what happens when HeadSix comes back? Does Gaius get two imaginary friends?

I loved the rec room scene and the toast to "missing friends." I thought it was a nice call-back to the final scene of "Scar."

I loved that the show took five minutes to show a conversation between Adama and Roslin. These two know how to hit each other where it hurts, and while seeing Madame President break down is never easy, Mary McDonnell really makes you feel her pain.

The scene between Lee and Kara in the brig, and what it meant for the two of them. I really, really hope it wasn't good-bye forever, but if it was...

"I never could say no to anyone."

"Except me."

"Especially you."

"Good luck on your journey, Lee Adama."

"You too, Kara Thrace."

...what a way to say farewell to Starbuck and Apollo.

I loved Lee's Galactica send-off. I cried, of course. But for those who have been invested in this character since the beginning, that moment meant so much: it was a goodbye to life that he never really wanted to lead, but now that it's time to let go, it means giving up everything that has defined him since the beginning of the series. I can't wait to see where they take Lee's character. And, bonus: I love that Jamie Bamber can wear civilian attire now.

I loved the beginnings of the Cylon civil war. I can't wait to see what happens now that the Centurions are self-aware. What happens if the Centurions destroy the models? Does the Cylon race just return to what it was before?

I love that Six is the boss of everything. I love this new incarnation -- I think her name is Natalie-- and I love how she is totally distinct from every other version Tricia Helfer has created up until now.

I love that we finally can pair numbers to faces: Cavil is One, Leoben is Two, D'Anna is Three, Simon is Four, Doral is Five, Six is Six, and Boomer is Eight. I wonder why they skipped Seven? Speaking of numbers, I totally thought that Six was going to unbox the Threes, and D'Anna was going to walk through the door, not the Centurions.

I love that Tigh basically pimped Tory out. Am I wrong in thinking that she slept with him on her own volition? I mean, I don't think she had to do that, it was just something about the way he talked about life's harmony got to her.

I love that Adama let Kara go, in defiance of Roslin. I love that Helo helped.

I hate that there are only 18 more episodes.

Perfection.

American Idol Results: When Eight Become Seven

Yeah, Idol Gives Back was on last night. No, I didn't watch the whole thing. I mean, two-and-a-half hours of utter nonsense? No thanks, I had much better things to do, like hate Donte Greene and win intramural basketball championships. Apparently, Teri Hatcher sang and Miley Cyrus performed twice. Man, too bad I missed it.

Tonight, though, we get back to the business of kicking people off the show. The first thing they do is remind us about Idol Gives Back. I didn't care last night, I sure as hell don't care now. Ryan says they've raised $60 million, which is $16 million less than last year. Until FOX starts donating its advertising revenue, I will continue to be bitterly cynical about this whole thing.

The Top 8 sing a song called, not kidding, "Shout to the Lord." What happens if they don't believe in the Lord? This song is terrible. David Cook is doing some sort of vocal gymnastics behind the chorus. Ooh, and now it's Carly's turn. If I wasn't typing, I would be fast-forwarding.

OK, now there's this montage to "I'm a Believer," and there's a lot of celebrities mouthing along to the song. Carrie's gay friend Stanford! Vinnie Jones! Kobe Bryant with a patch on his face? Dr. Phil? George Lopez? Cat Deeley, I miss you! Michael Chikilis! Some lady grabs her boobs. Classy. That guy from 'The Riches'! Rob Schneider...he's still famous?

Aaaaand, here we go. Results. Brooke is out first...I am really worried for Brooke. She makes a funny joke about maybe being at her sister's wedding on Saturday, and then she's safe!! Yay!

David Cook: Ryan tells him that "[he] looked humble, walking out here tonight." Uh...sure? I often walk humbly. David is safe, of course. Come on, he's the new Daughtry. America isn't messing up this early.

David A. (MY EARS!!) Holy crap, they're getting worse by the week. The screaming, my God. It's not like this kid is Justin Timberlake. Calm down. Duh, he's safe.

After a follow-up report from Forrest Whittaker and his wife, Ryan announces that Jordin Sparks will be performing...WITH CHRIS BROWN!! Wooo! I love this song like whoa. Seriously, everything that Chris Brown has done lately has come into frequent rotation on my iPod. It's like he can do no wrong. He can even make me care about Jordin Sparks.

After a Fordmercial, which involves splatter paint and Michael Johns doing the whitest white-man dance I have seen in ages, it's back to the results. Jason Castro is so stoned. It's not even up for debate today. Ryan asks him a question, and all we get is "Mmmph, idunno, hmmmmph. Brownies? What brownies?" Illegal drugs or not, he's safe. So out of our remaining four (Syesha, Kristy Lee, Carly, and Michael), three are in DANGER. I'm thinking they're going to tell the next person they're safe, which would leave the three in the back to be the bottom three.

And I hope I'm not right, because the next person Ryan calls is Kristy Lee. Yeah, she was half-decent yesterday, but: "Eight Days a Week!" Yodeling! I won't forget it, no matter how many crappy country ballads she sings! Dang, I was right. She's safe. I hate life.

Your bottom three: Michael, Syesha, Carly. I guess it was to be expected. With Michael landing in the B3, only the Davids have avoided the B3 every week.

AHHHH! Hillary Clinton is speaking to me!!! Make it stop!! Whew, it's John McCain...and now Barack! All three presidential candidates tell us to donate, blahblahblah.

What is Randy wearing? Some kind of Hawai'ian shirt? Is he trying to tell us that he secretly misses Jasmine Trias? Wow, that's about as bad as Paula...oh wait, Paula tops him with a beige ruffle-type thing.

Wow, Ryan does the elimination all at once. He tells Syesha and Carly that they're safe, and then does the meanest thing that's ever been done on this show. He says, "Last year at Idol Gives Back, we didn't eliminate a contestant. This year....we will be saying good-bye to Michael Johns." That is harsh, Ryan. Don't give the poor man hope.

Eh, I'm not that shocked. He went first, he wasn't that memorable, and I don't think he had the fanbase that others did. Do I think Syesha, Krsity Lee, and Jason should have gone before him? Absolutely. But at least he gets to sing "Dream On" as his elimination song. The irony there is tremendous.

Thursday Top Five: The Office is BACK, and we're celebrating

Tonight at 9 p.m. on NBC, our long national nightmare will come to an end. That's right, "The Office" is back after a long, LONG four-month hiatus. In fact, all of NBC's Thursday night comedies are new tonight, so after I suffer through an hour of American Idol results, I can cleanse my soul with "30 Rock," "The Office," and the soon-not-to-be an NBC comedy "Scrubs."

To celebrate the return of Jim and Pam (and all of our other favorite Dunder-Mifflinites), today's top five will celebrate relationships, the successful, the adorable, and the frustrating. In reverse order:

Honorable Mention: The "Most complicated but oh-so-intriguing" relationship: Starbuck & Apollo (Katee Sackhoff & Jamie Bamber, "Battlestar Galactica")

Will BSG creator Ron Moore put these two star-crossed lovers (?) together at the end of this, the final season? It's been foreshadowed all the way since "I thought you were dead," in the miniseries. These two have had to endure a dead brother & fiance, marriages to other people (one of whom is a cylon), their own emotional shortcomings, and now the fact that Starbuck is back from the dead and no one knows why. Is the "Starpollo" 'ship doomed to sink? We've only got 19 more episodes to find out, but I still believe, especially after seeing the "Unfinished Business" extended cut on the Season 3 DVD set. They're destined.

5) The "Who in the hell kept them apart for so long?" relationship: Luke & Lorelai (Scott Patterson & Lauren Graham, "The Gilmore Girls")

I absolutely love the final episodes of Season 4, starting with "Luke Can See Her Face." It's the culmination of four seasons of romantic tension, and when they finally kiss on Lorelai's front porch, I challenge anyone not to at least cheer a little. Luke may be the only one that can handle Lorelai's neuroses, but the producers only gave us, like, one season total of the two of them being happy, before Luke inexplicably becomes an asshole in season 6 and then Lorelai inexplicably gets married to Christopher in season 7. Thankfully, she divorces Christopher and sings "I Will Always Love You" to Luke near the end of the final season, and they live happily ever after. Alas, it is in a world in which Lauren Graham does not have an Emmy and William Shatner does.

4) The "So gay it's not gay" relationship: Turk & J.D. (Donald Faison & Zach Braff, "Scrubs")

What can I say? YouTube "Guy Love Scrubs" and you will witness the hands-down best male friendship on primetime TV. College roommates who grew up to work at the same hospital, Turk and J.D. redefine man-crush into man-love. Besides "Guy Love," the best moment in their relationship is when Turk comes home from his honeymoon with Carla, only to have a joyful reunion with J.D. at the hospital.

3) The "For God's sake, just DO IT already" relationship: Mulder & Scully (David Duchovny & Gillian Anderson, "The X-Files")

Ah, the days of X-Files and years of Mulder and Scully not kissing. First there was the forehead kiss in "Momento Mori" that should have been so much more. (She had CANCER, dammit, just kiss already!) Then there was the kiss-that-wasn't in "Fight the Future." Stupid alien-vaccine bee had to go and interrupt the almost kiss. Oh, and let's not forget "Triangle," where Mulder was trapped in the Bermuda Triangle in 1942 and kissed the Scully look-alike, only to wake up on a raft and discover that it wasn't the real Scully. FINALLY, we had "Millennium," where the real Scully and the real Mulder kissed each other on the lips at the stroke of midnight. Then there was "All Things," the did-they-or-didn't-they sleep together episode. It all culminated with "Existence," when Mulder (returned from his abuction experience) and Scully kissed over their weird alien baby. And then Duchovny left the show.

2) The "Wow, married life doesn't look so bad" relationship: Coach & Tami Taylor (Kyle Chandler & Connie Britton, "Friday Night Lights")

On FNL, the adult relationship between Eric & Tami is the heart of all things awesome. They bicker and they tease, but they love each other, and it is beautiful.

1) The "Oh, my God, could they BE any cuter?" relationship: Jim & Pam (John Krasinski & Jenna Fischer, "The Office")

Of course, it had to be them. And I apologize ahead of time for the cheesiness and poor production value of the video I'm about to embed, but no amount of gushing on my part can accurately describe the cuteness that is Jim & Pam. It has to be witnessed. And it's back on my TV tonight!!

Reality Wrap-Up

I goofed tonight and forgot to set the VCR to tape Idol and Dancing with the Stars. A quick look around the Internet tells me that Adam Carolla finally said good-bye on DwtS. And thanks to rickey.org, I was able to listen to the Idol mp3s from tonight's Top 8: Idol Gives Back edition of the show.

Here's what I heard:

Michael Johns performs "Dream On," and I love this song because it plays over the end credits of "Miracle," and I'm always crying inspirational tears while the credits are rolling. But Michaelis no Steven Tyler, and his voice just does not hold up to the higher notes. Meh.

I cannot fathom why someone would choose to sing one of the winning 'Idol' anthems. They are, hands down, some of the worst songs ever written. Yet that is what Syesha Mercado has chosen to sing tonight: Fantasia's winning ballad from S3, "I Believe." For the second week in a row, she has made the most incomprehensible song choice among the Idols. Syesha is over-reaching, I think. Her voice isn't good enough for the songs she's singing.

For the second week in a row, I love Jason Castro's performance. What's wrong with me? He sings the Hawai'ian version of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," complete with ukelele, andit works perfectly for him. He sounds fantastic, so much better than Katherine McPhee's overwrought and over-praised version from S5.

Kristy Lee sings "Anyway." This is the thing about Kristy: she's Kellie Pickler. She's blond, she's cute, and she's a terrible singer who is destined for the Top 6 because she sings country music. Thi performance actually wasn't terrible, I enjoyed it more than anything else she's done.

I had a few weeks in a row where I really liked David Cook's performances, and I was wondering if there was something wrong with me. He comes back this week with "Innocent" by Our Lady Peace, and it is a hot mess. The beginning sucks, the high notes suck, and he only kind of pulls it together for the chorus and bridge near the end. This is the worst I've heard him sing, and I think it was the worst of the night.

Oh, the desperation. Carly sings "The Show Must Go On." Oh, dear. Freddie Mercury you are not. This is such a strange performance: sometimes she's over-singing and it sounds strained, and other times she's not singing enough and gets drowned out by the background singers of doom. She tries to belt the big notes at the end and fails. Maybe THIS was the worst performance of the night. I liked Nicole Kidman's version in "Moulin Rouge" much better.

Is "Angels" the one Robbie Williams song that actually crossed over to America? I can never remember. David Archuleta plays the piano and sings the song. The beginning is rough -- a lot of the notes sound too low for him, but then he hits the chorus, and his voice just soars. This kid. Depending on the suckiness of the songs on his album, I may actually buy it. (Maybe just one or two songs on iTunes)

I was bored just listening to Brooke sing, so I can't imagine what it was like to watch. I thought she was pleasant to listen to. Meh.

Top 3: Jason, David A., Kristy Lee (I know!)

Bottom 3: Brooke, Carly, Syesha

Going home: My head says Brooke, but my heart doesn't want to believe that.

Dancing With the Stars, Week 4

I'm half-paying attention to the NCAA Championship game, but tonight we need to remember what happened five years ago: 81-78. The greatest night of my life.

Moving on to less tear-inducing moments, the fourth week of everyone's favorite ballroom dancing competition showcased some great dancing, some inflated scores, and a comment about swan mating. Here we go:

After going last or next-to-last for the first three weeks, Kristi and Mark lead off the show with a paso doble. Before she even starts to dance, I'm feeling a 10. She's due. For the seond week in a row, they get the award for "Most Bizarre Music Selection." I don't think a techno version of "Blue Monday" by Orgy qualifies as ballroom dancing music. Maybe they're purposely handicapping her with bad music, because that's the only way she can be stopped? The routine is great, as usual. She has a small misstep near the end, but she's still in a class by herself in this competition. I was right: first 10s of the year come from Carrie Ann and Bruno, for a score of 29.

Sweet, the Vietnamese Fighting Waltz! Or Viennese Waltz, as it is known to those who didn't see Season 2 of So You Think You Can Dance. Priscilla and Louis do a fairly quick waltz, and her steps are great, but her upper body is weirdly stiff and the hold just looks off to me. Bruno points out her shoulder/line problem. Carie Ann compliments her facial expressions (...with a straight face) but then goes back to the "lift" nonsense from last year. You can't do a lift in a waltz when Carrie Ann is watching, she will dock you for it. Carrie Ann and Len take a point off for the lift, they're given a score of 22.

Adam and Julianne are doing the paso. He comes out on a unicycle, in full Zorro gear, including mustache, cape, and mask. It's typical Adam: not good, stompy, and Julianne does most of the work in an effort to distract from her terrible partner. After its over, Julianne says, "That was friggin' awesome." I don't know if "awesome" is the word I would use, but OK. Carrie Ann says, "I've never seen one like that before." That's what she said. The judges try not to say he was terrible, but he was. He gets a 19.

Did you know that Marlee was deaf? I know, they haven't mentioned it in the past few seconds, but have no fear, the show reminds you by saying that she has trouble keeping her balance because she's deaf. I didn't get to watch the whole dance, because my VCR crapped out in the middle, but the judges seemed to have liked it for the most part. She gets a 24.

Mario tries to recover from his off week with the paso, which going in, sounds good for him. What is with the music tonight?!?! They're dancing to "Higher Ground" by the Chili Peppers, and again, it's a dancetastic version or something. Bad music aside, I wasn't impressed. Maybe it was because they spent so much of the dance apart, but it seemed disjointed. The judges were impressed, though Len thinks he was out of control a bit. I agree with that -- Mario's a very powerful dancer, and sometimes it becomes too much. He gets a 8, 7, 9 for a 24.

Jason and Edyta give my favorite performance of the year. I had to stop and rewind because I was in awe of how great Jason's hands were. This guy is a football player, but his wrists and hands were better than 75% of the girls on my dance team in high school. He carries himself so well on the dance floor, and he and Edyta really made the dance sensual. They're connecting with each other as the competition goes on, and it's showing on the dance floor. They stumble slightly near the end, but they recover so quickly that it really isn't noticable. Bruno sums it up nicely by saying, "It was like a majestic swan intertwined in a mating ritual." I can't do any better than that. They get a 10, 9, 10 to match Kristi with a 29.

Cristian and Cheryl get the paso. They're both wearing these bizarre pleather outfits with capes. Cristian yells at various points during the routine, but overall, Cheryl is doing most of the work. Bruno says Cristian made the dance "very Latino." Maybe cause...he...is? I think they're overscored with a 9, 8, 9 for a 26.

Disaster alert! Derek was practicing last week for the results show and pulled a muscle in his neck! The ambulance came and it was all very dramatic! Shannon had to practice with Jonathan while Derek had to sit out all week with a brace on his neck! How will they ever recover?!?! The answer is: very well. Derek is back out on the dance floor with Shannon and they put together their best routine of the season. They dance to "Keep Holding On," by Avril, which makes it two weeks in a row that a DwtS couple has done the same dance to the same song that Danny and Anya did on SYTYCD last year. Unlike Marisa's jive last week, Shannon and Derek bring themselves to within shouting distance of the awesomeness that was Danya. Shannon's arms are getting so much better from week to week, and she even pulls off a nice spin on one foot near the end of the dance (which Danny and Anya also did...better). Shannon's totally in my top three favorites, I'm so glad she's getting better. Len thinks it was the best dance of the night. They get a 9, 10, 9 for a score of 28.

Marisa and Tony finish up with a paso doble. Tony is wearing yet another strange outfit, this time black pants and a poofy red cropped jacket. This is definitely the best Marisa has been all year, but it's the first time I've noticed just how short she is and how awkward that looks with Tony. She gets her best score of the year: 24.

Overall, I think the scores were too high tonight, and the scores aren't reflecting the sizeable gap between the top tier (Kristi, Jason, and Shannon) and the next step down (Cristian, Mario, Marlee, and Priscilla).

If I was a betting woman, I would put money on Adam finally going home, but I wouldn't be surprised if Priscilla or Marisa got the boot.

Welcome Back, BSG

Some thoughts I had while watching the season premiere:

Kara's adventures in time-traveling: Moore & Eick and Cuse & Lindelof must be friends. First there was "Heroes" and the discussions of space and time, then there was the magical island where time moves differently, and now there's Kara Thrace's wormhole experience. It actually reminded me a lot of the movie Contact, where Jodi Foster meets the aliens for 16 hours but it was really only a few seconds. I really like that Kara has no clue, but I wonder if she remembers the part Leoben played.

Also, that revelation in "Razor" ("Kara Thrace will lead the human race to its downfall") is looking a lot more important right about now. What happens if they follow her? I still think the series ends with them showing up in present-day Earth's atmosphere, and Bush orders up some nuclear missiles and kills them all. Side note: the question of what time period they'll find Earth in is fascinating to me. Do they arrive before us? Or do they find the remains of our civilization and start over?

Tigh "shooting" Adama: I totally bought it at first. And I loved the way it was shot, with the kind of slow, dream-like quality.

More thoughts later, but I'm off to the Carrier Dome for a full day of lacrosse. Go Cuse!

Tonight, Tonight

"Even if you're skeptical of science fiction, "Battlestar Galactica" will make a true believer out of you. " -- Heather Havrilesky, Slate.com

We are currently six hours away from the final season premiere of Battlestar Galactica. This show is -- now that "The Wire" is no more-- the greatest thing on television, and the first of twenty episodes of its fourth season will start tonight. To celebrate this glorious day, I've been re-watching my favorite episodes from Season 3. The only thing tampering my excitement: there are only ten episodes scheduled as of right now. Due to the strike, Sci Fi is holding the final ten for some unknown airdate. Which sucks, because I do NOT think I can wait another 13 MONTHS for the final ten to air.

If you have not yet seen Battlestar Galactica, don't tune in tonight and expect to understand what's going on. Here is my special three-step process for understanding BSG:

1) Read this. It's the best argument I've ever seen for watching the show, and it's mostly in picture form.

2) Watch the mini-series that preceeded the showIf you're not hooked after that (which is almost impossible), watch '33,' the first episode of season one, and one of the greatest episodes in the entire run of the show.

3) Get to Netflix or your nearest Best Buy, so that you can catch up on the 60 epsisodes that have already aired.

OR: you could read this primer from Slate, which sums up all you need to know before watching the premiere tonight. (5 hours and 45 minutes from now!!!)

Here's a whole bunch of links to read before tonight's premiere:

The LA Times loves Battlestar. And thinks you should watch.

A great interview with Maureen Ryan with BSG co-creator Ron Moore. If you might be tempted by spoilers, avoid this one.

Here's an interview with Apollo himself, Jamie Bamber. (No spoilers)

My favorite TV critic, Tim Goodman of the San Francisco Chronicle, raves about the fourth season, although he gets a lot of the facts about the show's backstory wrong. (Major spoilers, if you have not seen season 3)

Alan Sepinwall gives another rave. Here's another. And another. And yet another.

This doesn't have anything to do with BSG, but two other shows that we watch here at TCB: Hereoes and Chuck will air 13 straight new episodes starting in the fall.

Make sure you're watching: Battlestar Galactica, Season 4, Episode One, "He That Believeth In Me." Tonight at 10p.m. EST on the Sci Fi Channel.